Letting Go

[garden variety]

Hello Friends,

I'll be stepping offline for a few 24's. I've reached a turning point next week that's been on the horizon for a while.

For the last few years, I've been carrying around something that I've learned to see actually belonged to God (as I understand Him), and it's turned out to be a real blessing because it has worked for the good within me, and in the lives of many others who love me, and even some who don't. I know it's hard for some to imagine viewing a "thing" that has made a part of my body it's home as a blessing, but as I prayed and meditated, I understood the Truth in this. No doubt in my mind that I've become a better man, as a result, to you all my fellows and to my Creator.

The "process" has run it's course and it's time to say good-bye and to let go (literally) of a peculiar little part inside of me that isn't normally supposed to be there. For a long time it scared the hell out of me - but I'm not afraid anymore. There is a "saying" a good friend gave to me that came to pass:

"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

I'm genuinely thankful to have hosted this "stranger", and the blessings that have come my way as a result of it's "living" process have been incredible and remarkable. When I say I'm thankful, let me tell you what. I'm not rationalizing something physically bad into something I'm saying is good, when it isn't. I got out of the way with the 3rd step and let God direct the "river" in my life. I took an inventory just recently, and sure enough, the good far outweighs the bad.

I'll be undergoing surgery called VATS, which is a long way forward from what this could have been even just a few years ago. The man who is doiing this normal everyday job (for him) is a guy who has successfully transplanted human lungs and human hearts. He's a "Chief" in what he does at this VERY BIG hospital in Cleveland. That's an awesome responsibility for a human being. Life itself, rests at the tips of his fingers, and I have every confidence in his work.

I'll be back to "normal activities" in 2-3 weeks, so I'll be gone from here just a spell. I'd like to leave you with one of my favorite prayers for now:

"May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
and the rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand."

Love and respect to all,
Paul

[sunlight]

Hi Paul!

I was just getting ready to post & ask everyone here to keep you in their prayers as you go for surgery, & you beat me here! God bless you; you are a beautiful man & have helped so many of us, myself especially.

I was going to put this under the topic "God's grace" because that's where I shared a little about what had been going on with me. But, I'll keep it here
because it's about letting go .

Ever since I joined this site, when I was in a slump in my sobriety, I knew a change was coming. I'd been in that place before & was anticipating a newness, but I didn't know what it was.

Then, things started happening that looked & felt awful. My heart was crushed by a man I truly cared about, disappointments, failures, rejections,
heartaches. What was going on? What was I doing wrong to warrent all this hurt? My new boss who was attacking me at every turn was the final straw. I was on the verge of "Murder, she wrote"! I began to see a pattern in it that seemed to have been with me all my life. I applied the steps to all of it, talked to many people, worked with others & didn't let up on all the things I do to stay sober & even increased them.

And I noticed pieces were coming together like a puzzle. I started paying close attention to everything. There was something that I needed to learn and live and the time was NOW. I got deep into step 11. I relaxed & took it easy. The picture was starting to form, but slowly.

Then, last weekend, a post that you Paul, wrote to Julie, popped into my head & it hit me in my soul, in a place that the intellectual knowledge of it had never hit before.
It was:

"What I see causing the most harm to you Julie is the thing that you're not letting go of. And that is who you see in the mirror, & how you see her, & what you feel about her."

And the full impact of that blasted my heart open in a way I've never experienced before! I knew in the biblical sense, that I was a child of God who was to be treated with love, kindness & respect & so was everyone else. I had known this in my head of course, but I had not behaved that way!

I can't effectively explain how that changed the entire course of action in my life. But, it did & the peace & power that came with it has 4th dimension
all over it!

Even my boss & I are working together smoothly & I actually make her laugh! And I am friends now with the man who hurt me & am blown away.

God bless you all. We help each other when we're down & allow ourselves to be helped & stay sober through it all! What a gift!

[Jools]

Hiya Paul,

Didjoo change your phone number?

Prayers are with you, as always. We sure are gonna miss ya 'round these here parts.

Much love and respect,
Julie

[Dallas]

Paul, you hurry up and recover from surgery!!! We'll all be missing you here! And, I'm sure that you will be in all of our prayers and thoughts. There are many of us here that really do love you,Bro!!!

If there is anything that I, or we, can do for you -- be sure to let us know. For me, it would be an honor to have the opportunity to serve you in any way that I can.

Love & best wishes to you,

Dallas

[Tim]

I hope and pray that all goes well with your surgery, Paul! It sounds like you are in the hands of a premier surgeon.

Take care and hang in there. I look forward to your return on the forum.

Tim

[ccs]

Hey Paul I like everyone else here will miss you a lot!!!! you will be in My thoughts and Prayers ((((((((((PAUL)))))))))) theres a big hug to you from us all
we luv ya GOD BLESS

LUV Cessie