Jim A,
I've been sober for 22 years. I still go to a couple of meetings every week. I haven't had a sponsor since I was five years sober, and haven't felt the need of one. But some recent developments in my life have got me feeling that I would like to have someone to talk to on a regular basis, and finding a sponsor is an obvious way to do that.
Happens just yesterday, a guy of 20 years whom I highly respect, shared his experience.
He's had the same sponsor for 20 years. They're both well recovered and only talk about daily living stuff ... not about the trials and tribulations of staying sober. Nothing of life & death import.
He himself has a huge number of sponsees he still sponsors ... also all well soberated. Pretty much the same discussions.
His point was that sponsors and sponsees, having gone through deep issues together, tend to become friends and stay in that role. Nobody knows them like each other.
He said it's very important to him to keep going back to his roots at the rehab facility where there is a constant flow of suffering alcoholics with one foot still in hell. It reminds him of the hell he escaped and why he keeps coming back.
I'm thinkin you might consider sponsoring. The old timers tell me that's what keeps THEM sober.
I'm an atheist. I don't really need or want a sponsor who engages in God-talk, or has a God-centered program. I have one good friend who is also an atheist and has slightly more time than I do, but he's not someone I feel comfortable talking with about emotional issues. I trust him, but his personal style is ... well, he's an engineer, let's let it go at that.
I, personally, think it's very important to "interview" for my sponsor just as they "interview" me for my willingness and accountability. I would love an engineer sponsor. I speak engineese.
But, being rigorously honest with myself, I knew I needed someone who would tell me straight in terms and ATTITUDE I could grok.
I also speak Godeeze and an aetheist sponsor wouldn't do me. But that's just me. Were I an aetheist, someone who talks God wouldn't do me.
Gotta understand each other. I don't understand German, either.
Near as I can tell, no one is denied sobriety through the AA program for any reason. Diversity is OUR united strength. SOMEONE will be perfect for SOMEONE.
Gotta cut each other some slack for being different. Gotta remember that if someone is different than me, that makes ME different.
____________
Sorry ... I got all off on that track. Back to your question ...
What I did for me:
I got a sponsor who was strictly Big Book. Perfect. I need that. That's what I'm here for.
But he wasn't on the same spiritual plane as me. Something was missing.
So I ran into a sponsor who has been sober 5 years and he had been using the his Christianity for his sobriety. Not big on the Big Book.
It's no secret that the BB came from Biblical principles. (By the way, I'm proud of you for not letting that get in your way, brother. I see many just stop because of that resistance. Glad you worked through that. Your experience, strength, and hope in that regard would be VERY helpful to SOMEONE. I'd personally appreciate it if your would consider posting your Higher Power experience in that forum. Thanks.)
ANYWAY, again, I decided to have two sponsors. One for the structure and step-by-step simplistic order of the Big Book. And one for the deep spiritual aspect of the BB ... the essence FOR ME of the instructions.
Together, I get all of it. And they know each other, so I can't tell them different stories.
I gave them permission to discuss me if they had any doubt.
I understand not wanting to share what you MUST share with a close friend. I'm a little taken aback that there aren't a whole slew of sober AAtheists out there. I would think there would be many.
Good luck with your search!
Love,
Tim1
