I want to thank you guys (and girls) for all of your posts so far on relationships. After peeking at a few of the previous posts, I think you may understand my questions & be able to point me in the right direction?
I have been dating a guy for a while who really works his AA program (13+ years). I am not an alcoholic and prior to this relationship had never participated with AA in any way.
There are several...behaviors....I've encountered with him, that I've never experienced before, and it made both of us curious if it was unique to him or to AA's everywhere.
I'm trying to learn as much as I can about the AA program & philosophy. I think to be supportive of something that is so central in his life, I would need to understand how it works, what it entails, etc. I've also attended alanon.....not sure what I think of that yet.
I guess my question is...are there certain things you fear in a relationship? How does that make you act/react.
We've gone through the "yo-yo" a few times....things start going really really good, and then he RUNS! Each incident has been a little lower key as we've progressed, but I wonder if it will ever really END, and I wonder if that indicates a fear of commitment that will never, ever be overcome.
I'm not sure what makes this man so special to me, and I certainly can't explain my patience with him -- it's this very strange feeling of peace and patience that I get (from my HP?) when dealing with him. Like, I know (on a deeper level) that I just need to move very slowly and surely with him (like a domestic cat who was once wild...they seem to stay a little skittish of loud noises or quick movements).
So far, things are great, and I'm not asking for advice on how to manipulate him, but I am asking for advice from you guys who have been through what he's been through. I know there is no guarantee that the thought processes are the same, but they may be. I have been granted the Grace to instinctively know when to retreat, when to push and when to just be still with him, but I don't always understand what is going on in his head. (I know I could just ask, and sometimes I do, and he explains as best he can, but I always appreciate alternative input.)
I know I am asking a lot from you guys. I am open to any input...whether it be common fears, things I can do on my end to understand him, to understand me, to strengthen our relationship....pretty much anything. I would hate to unintentionally do some big, bad taboo action.