Welcome and congrats on your continuing journey of sobriety.
For some wild and unknown reason, I kept a written "journal" of my thoughts throughout my last months of drinking and my first couple years of sobriety. Whenever I read from it today, I laugh out loud and call it " a jornal of a madman".
I hate to say this, but I was pretty crude. I was full of myself (egotistical), and I was bouncing back and forth with (ugh!) - GIRLS and RELATIONSHIPS. Falling in and out of "love" (yeah right!
). I read some of this insane journalling today, and I was totally puzzled - my mind drew a blank. I did what? I said what? I was making moves on 3-4 women at one time! And I was cocky on top of that! The things that made me really laugh were little comments I jotted down like:
"I'm a bit restless and in need of a vacation and some renewal. I don't know who I should visit or where I should roam."
"A new year has begun. I have begun to arise from one of the most depressing and poverty stricken times of recent memory. I feel like I've lost so much. And I'm only on the short side of recovery."
"Why is it that I so frequently journal about a love that flys south? Why are there no success stories in this melancholy drama since the end of "Act II"
[prior marriage ending in divorce]?"
and here's the best one!
"Sometimes I wonder about the intensity and drama I tend to add to an event."
OH GAWD! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Well BostonGuy, that was me around 90 days sober.
I was a mess. I was so up and down, over and under, sideways and about. Today I'm rolling on the floor
because I was so mixed up that it's comical. I used to honestly believe some pretty grandiose things about myself, and when those things fell into a black hole, I was sooooo DEVASTATED!
All that to say, if sobriety still works for me ten years after those first ninety jiggly days, then by golly, I'm sure it can work for you too!
God bless and thanks for showing up and helping me today!