- My Dilemma

My Dilemma




Alcoholics and Addicts sharing their personal recovery story with us to help others who want to recover.

Postby Anja » Mon Jun 08, 2009 4:21 pm

Think I've been doing pretty good with staying off the computer. I set my stove timer and when it rings, hope to be done with my must-dos.

And now I'm experiencing the backlash. Last night I called my sponsor because I was feeling some free-floating guilt and couldn't figure out where it was coming from. True to form, answering a few well-thought-out questions from her it came to me.

When I took a deeper look at the compulsion I needed to look at how easy it was for me to give short shrift to my real life friends, preferring to interact with my computer friends, because it didn't call for an interruption of my now busy time schedule.

Now I'm feeling guilty about not interacting more frequently with you folks in your threads! Guilt. Just gotta have it. :lol: (Not because I'm alcoholic, but because I'm Norwegian! Have a cousin who said, "I feel guilty when I wake up in the morning and I haven't even done anything yet.")

If you'll be patient with me I plan to even this out after my important work with my mother is done. Appreciate your kindnesses and would like to return them. Being here is creating a little more security in my life right now as I hoped it would.

Am I thinking too much? Um, yeah. I THINK I'm thinking too much again. :lol:

And, the neatest thing. Got a call this afternoon from the hospice asking me if I were okay. I told them about my guilt feelings and that I thought they were also related to Mom. There's that underlying sense of the unavoidable and this urge to do a better job at something I can't fix. A piece of old perfectionism combined with current events.

It was good to hear her comforting reassurances. Shoo, guilt. I let you go!
Anja
 
Posts: 37
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2009 11:42 pm
Location: Minnesota

Postby Dallas » Mon Jun 08, 2009 5:24 pm

Big Book, pg 64 wrote:When the spiritual malady is overcome, we
straighten out mentally and physically.




Dallas
Last edited by Dallas on Sat Jul 18, 2009 8:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby tim-one » Tue Jun 09, 2009 8:09 am

Doublin' up.

Anja,

Good girl. You're workin' on yourself.

Don't you worry about us. We'll be here at your LEISURE. :wink:

Keep workin it. It'll come around for you. Relax.

Not to put any more pressure on you than you do yourself, but I'm learning a lot from you, your willing attitude.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm very much in the same place and workin' it out myself. I'm proud to see you check in and tell me how it's going for you. Very encouraging to me.

By the way, I FOUND MY POYM! I aks'd a guy in treatment to find my poym on the 'puter and email it to me bypassing the rehab gestapo. 8) Bless his heart, he didn't forget and sent it to me this morning. I'll post my "forgiving dad" poym in the "Sobriety Poems" forum in a minute. I hope you enjoy it. Did THIS body good.
_______________

Dallas,

That's a really common concern for newbies. I know I wondered if I really had mental dysfunctions or if it was all booze related. A perfectly reasonable question at this time with all of the changes of mood, thinking, attitude, and outlook/inlook.

And there are so many AAers who poo-poo peaople who need drugs for mental/emotional problems. Forgive me, but I've been called a ### for taking anti-depressants. Many just don't understand that some peops have real physical, natural brain chemical, unbalances that can only be addressed chemically and/or by intensive psychiatric care specific to the malady to function normally.

I think it's a perfectly good AA topic. Certainly not AA approved, but neither is this website. Right?

It's incredible that the BB was written so long ago. Even back then, they were "intrigued" with the physical causes of alcoholism. The spiritual attack on it still is the only real treatment for this disease.

But the doctors involved certainly wouldn't dis' the medical/psychological research and advances since then.

Discussing it, some need it, some will disregard it, some will vehemently criticize it as just another chemical crutch.

Yes, there are other med/psych approaches combined with AAs 12-steps.

Love y'all.
Tim1
tim-one
 
Posts: 336
Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 9:54 am
Location: Houston, TX

Postby Dallas » Tue Jun 09, 2009 4:46 pm

Hi Tim-One, thanks for your reply. I was asking for feedback and answers to questions! :wink:

Tim-One wrote:Many just don't understand that some peops have real physical, natural brain chemical, unbalances that can only be addressed chemically and/or by intensive psychiatric care specific to the malady to function normally.


That's the point that I was making above. I realize there are many types of people and probably many types of alcoholics... some who need it and many that don't.



Dallas
Last edited by Dallas on Sat Jul 18, 2009 8:29 am, edited 2 times in total.
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby Dallas » Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:09 pm

Tim-One wrote:YES, there are "Dual Diagnosis" websites that are, like Step12, not AA approved.


Tim, did you know that AA meetings are not AA approved?

And, AA Groups are not AA approved?

An AA is anyone that says that they are an AA. An AA meeting and an AA Group is any AA's (that say they are) that meets together. None of it has anything to do with "AA approved."

There is no such thing as "AA approved." There is such a thing as "literature that's AA Conference Approved"... and that simply means that "it is printed or published by AA World Services or the Grapevine." (Yes. AAWS has their own printing company!).

Dallas
Last edited by Dallas on Sat Jul 18, 2009 8:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby tim-one » Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:58 pm

Yeah, I know that. Doggonit, I was just editting my post and it didn't repost.

I was revising the "AA approved" statements, as you correctly admonished me, and made the medical and 12 Step cooperation, not competition, point more clearly.

"AA permitted the reprinting and adaptation of the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions for DRA's use". That's just a copyright thing. Please forgive my misuse of the word "approved" in any context. I felt funny when I wrote it. I redacted that in my unposted editted re-post. :roll: But you'd already replied.

I also added another answer to your question. YES, I think the website you suggested would be a good thing. Need help? :wink:

Love,
Tim1
tim-one
 
Posts: 336
Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 9:54 am
Location: Houston, TX

Postby Dallas » Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:07 pm

Tim1 wrote:admonished me


OUCH!!! Gees. I don't mean it as any kind of "correction" or "admonishment"... :lol:


Dallas
Last edited by Dallas on Sat Jul 18, 2009 8:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby tim-one » Sun Jun 14, 2009 7:41 am

Dallas,

OUCH!!! Gees. I don't mean it as any kind of "correction" or "admonishment"... Heck, I'm no authority on anything other than me... and often, that's even questionable!


Aw, MAAAN! I know that! I admonish myself when I accidentally soak up sumthin I needed to hear. HAhaahha ... I really appreciated that you just totally chastized me. :lol: Relax, bro. I do that to myself. I appreciated the source.

I like that you "think" with me. To me, if me and the guy I'm talkin' with know that we're committed to the program AS IS in it's simplest form, it's good to think. It always boils down to quite simply, "this is what the BB says. Period.

It might not be good for newbies to hear us think outloud ...... :?

Gotta watch me, though! 8) Me and my sibs learned to love debate early. Someone would watch us argue, veins poppin' out of our foreheads over the subject. Next time we argued about the same thing, we took the other sides, veins still poppin'. Confusing to the bystander.

What's that got to do with my sobriety?

"Know thine enemy." "To thine own self be true." "The wisdom to know the difference." :wink:

Love ya, bro.
Tim1
tim-one
 
Posts: 336
Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 9:54 am
Location: Houston, TX

Postby Susan68 » Sun Jun 14, 2009 11:43 am

tim-one wrote:It might not be good for newbies to hear us think outloud ...... :?


I've been poking around in here, reading as much of these blogs as I can. I'm a "newbie" (42 days today) so I can probably respond to this. I was really annoyed last week (the whole longer-than-needed-to-be diatribe about the temporary sponsor breakdown) when I went to this "strict constructionist" (my term) BB meeting where I learned that there are differences in opinion on how this program works, should work, used to work but doesn't work any longer, etc., etc., I was annoyed because I felt like, "look, I do not care about your silly ego, which is all this is about; I am a newcomer to AA, for me this whole discussion is completely irrelevant because I have not even really mastered step 1, so shut up."


As each day passes I have a new "epiphany" about myself. I don't know if it is God-inspired, or meeting inspired, or inspired by reading the BB/12+12, or by listenting to other AAs. Whatever the source, something is happening to me. The epiphany I had today was/is, "Susan, your arrogance and self-absorption know little bounds (who knew?! :shock: ). (and I'm going to be really honest here, which hurts). You think you did AA a favor coming in the rooms before you were what you consider a total bum and everyone should acknowledges and give you kudos for doing so and make sure AA's road rises to meet you. What's this stuff about 'you telling me to do X? I'll do it when I determine it's appropriate for me to do so because I'm that kind of smart and I've earned that place for myself in life.'"

I'd like to tell you that now that I realize it, it's gone. It's not just yet, and I feel sad, guilty, embarassed at the prospect of recognizing these things, having to admit them and knowing that I'm going to have to change them.

I'm probably way off topic now, but I'm a self-aborbed alcoholic and can't help myself. . .

Stopping drinking for 42 days has not been all that challenging for me. I've been in fact quite proud of myself because once again, when I really had to do something, I put my mind to it and I did it. That's my first thought. (My immediate second thought is, "maybe that's not why you're still sober 42 days later") But what's been really challenging to me is the prospect of having change everything I thought was good about myself.

Long winded point, don't stop having "experienced" exchanges/debates about the program for the benefit of the "newbie." It was one of those types of things that caused me in part to have a necessary self-realization.

Thanks for letting me share. :D
Susan68
 
Posts: 118
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:53 pm
Location: New Jersey

Postby tim-one » Sun Jun 14, 2009 1:06 pm

Susan, Susan, Susan .... (Doncha hate it when somebody starts with that? :evil: ) Boy, I do. :lol:

Very, very, VERY well said. And thank YOU for sharing it.

When you get caught saying stuff like that, don't be surprised when you get blamed with working your program right. It's WORKING!

CONGRATULATIONS ! 42 DAYS ! How cool is THAT?

Still a puppy myself. I dunno about you, but my 5 months is frign IMPOSSIBLE ! Makes me wonder if you can still sew with the needle when God's finished with the camel. In my experience, YEAH ! Ya CAN ! :D (Forgive me, please. That's a Bible thing. I ferget many may not know that story.)

And thanks for salving my mind. I know overthinking this stuff isn't good for anyone who hasn't yet undesrstood that it ALL boils down to very simple Big Book stuff.

Why did I have that first drink? Why can't I drink like normies?
After all my "thinking", which, by the way, got me HERE, and soul searching, nit-picking my insanity, this is all I can really say:

"I'm an alcoholic. It's what I do."

How do I fix it?

AA in it's simplest terms. Somebody already figured it out for me as proven for decades. I ain't that smart. :oops:

I do still have a concern in forums like this that us "thinkers" examining how in the world that simple stuff is making such huge changes in our lives might cause confusion and over-thinking in the already confused who don't know what in the world they've gotten themselves into.

"PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN". (Wiz of Oz) :wink:

Sounds like you're doin a good thing for yourself, Susan. Do THAT. :D

Love,
Tim1
tim-one
 
Posts: 336
Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 9:54 am
Location: Houston, TX

PreviousNext

Return to Addiction Recovery Stories

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Yahoo [Bot] and 1 guest









.








12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - My Dilemma