I don't like thinking of myself as "sick." For that reason, I don't like calling it a "disease."
Ditto. "As a man/women thinketh... so is they... and so they become"
I had gotten physically and mentally twisted a bit as a result of my drinking. Quite a bit!
But, I drank long and hard. Most AA's that come in to AA are not as sick as the long hard drinkers got... but, there are some that were very sick before they picked up the first drink. Drinking made them well... until the drinking started making them sicker.
A lot of the things that I heard when I first came to AA made blood spew from my eyes!
Sometimes... it still does!
Of course... when I turn on the TV and listen to some news... that sometimes makes blood want to spew from my eyes, also!
"At first glance"... and on "hearing some things the first time"... in AA, I would say that most folks would be shocked.
It takes a while to figure out what certain things mean and the meaning behind certain things when the things seem meaningless.
It's like when I first heard "You've got to smash our Ego! Ego is the enemy!"
I thought "Hey! If I didn't have an Ego I wouldn't be here! My Ego is what helps me to survive and want to be better!"
Or... when I first heard "You've got to get rid of Self! Self is the problem!"
I thought "Hell man! I've been spending a lot of time destructing myself! I'm not such a bad guy! That's why I'm here! I'm a good guy trying to do something good for myself!"
I later realized that I had some specific difficulties that were going on -- that were causing me to have severe reactions to the things I heard.
a. My bottle was talking to me. It was saying "Hey man! I love you man! Don't forget about me! I've been with you through thick and thin! What do you say we go out for a little drink together?"
b. Some of the things I heard didn't make sense because they sere senseless. (And, they still are! )
c. Some of the things didn't make sense to me... because I didn't know what they were talking about... and often, the person talking didn't know what they were talking about... so it was confusing. I had to find out for myself what certain things meant -- and when I found out -- often it was quite different than what I thought it meant.
One thing that was suggested to me was: "Dallas, try to put your mind on hold. Try to pause your thinking. Just try some of the actions... without thinking about it and without judging it... and do that for about six months. At the end of six months... then, think about it and make a judgement. Did your life get better? Was it worth it? Do you think it would be helpful to you to continue what you've been doing for the last six months... or, try something different?"
So, I often pass that suggestion on to others. Try to suspend thinking about things and making judgements for a little while. Just take some actions and see what happens. You'll have plenty of time left in your life to pursue different interests. You probably won't like it at first. But, just try it for a little while -- without thinking about it -- and down the road, then look back and make your judgement.
My most difficult obstacle was trying to suspend my thinking and judgements about things. The thinking kept me from experimenting with the actions.
I still do that today. I try to try new things... and hold off on the jugements until I've given it a chance ... to see what happens. Then, I review it and decide if I want to keep trying it.
Periodically, I do that with AA. "Is this working for me? Is it moving me forward in my life -- or is it moving me backwards? Is it moving me towards my goals and objectives in life -- or is it moving me away from it?"
It's kind of like swimming, riding a bicycle, driving a car, playing guitar, reading a book or trying new foods... If I didn't try it a few times I would have given up on it.... before I had given it a chance... to see if it was something that I wanted to continue.