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Postby Susan68 » Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:03 pm

P.S.

Now go plus in 11 days into the sobriety calculator and see how minutes you've been sober. I do it frequently and it's good fun. :)
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Postby tim-one » Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:15 pm

First I gotta get somethin' off my chest ...

DADGUMMIT, DALLAS ! :evil: That AA snippets idea of yours ... NOW I'm taking a notebook to meetings to write stuff down ! :roll:

Uh oh .... are we becoming co-defendant? :shock: :lol:
________________

ok. Great thinkin' from Dallas. Glad you joined in, bud. Could we stop you, Mr.-administrator-guy? :D Love ya, bro. Was lookin' for ya in this one. :wink:

Heather,

CONGRATULATIONS ! Eleven days is nuthin to sneeze at! COURAGE, girl!

Great thinkin' for a "sober-baby". :) You're payin attention.

As Dallas said, there are different attitudes an different groups. AA itself doesn't have rules about this stuff. The people do as they are inclined. Enough people in a group who agree, it tends to become THAT GROUP'S attitude ... conscience, if you will.

I had to accept the words "have to" as "If you want to turn that nut, you have to use this wrench". I could use pliers, but it's easier to use the tool built for THAT nut. (Sorry for the mechanics lesson. I said I had to think like that. :P ) I'm THAT nut, these days. :wink:

I have to remind myself that everything AA is a suggestion. I just happen to have adopted the "12 Suggestions" (BB Pg. 59) as LAW for myself. To show my willingness, I obey. That simple. My choice.

I shopped, too. It was too important to me to waste my and a sponsor's time and having to start over.

But, to get everybody else off my back, I scored a temporary sponsor with the understanding that I was still shopping, and may or may not keep him later. As a wise sponsor, he said, "Perfect. You do what you need to do. Only you know how committed you are to your sobriety. Let's get started."

At least I wasn't alone with my own stinkin' thinkin'. Not a good idea for me in the beginning. I ain't no old timer, myself, y'unnerstan'. Five months last Sunday. It's the peops with AA age I respect and watch and listen to intently. I want what they have, and this is how they got it.

Good goin', girl! You're doin' a good thing for yourself.

Love,
Tim1
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Postby angel143 » Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:16 pm

:( I have tried that a couple times...but unfortunately I am currently using Mozilla and apparently it doesnt work out right...I get some weird a@@ number that is just pure craziness! I think I will have to do it next time at mom and dads. I really do want to see what it says!

Thanks so much :wink:

You are wonderful!

Love ya
Heather
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Postby angel143 » Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:20 pm

Thanks tim1

I appreciate the kind words, and i love reading about everyones experiences. It is so helpful to me. Thank you so much. I look forward to many more conversations....and I read somewhere that you enjoy a good rational debate....thats perfect cause I love debating! :wink:

Take care
Heather
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Postby tim-one » Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:21 pm

Hey, Susan!

It's great fun to keep track of sobriety. This "one-day-at-a-time" things is wonderful. Boy, howdy, it makes for a LONG MONTH! :lol:

Fine with me. Before, it was like waking up on Christmas Day the day after Christmas. :roll: Where DID that year go??

Have you ever gone on a long drive making a game out of noticing every mile-marker on the highway? Talk about a LONG, SLOOOOOOW DRIVE!

It's a wonder realizing there's a DAY goin' on around me! :shock:

Have fun,
Tim1
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Postby Susan68 » Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:31 pm

Dallas wrote:If you were just a normal person in every way, volunteering your time to help others... and you were watching as people die, families are torm apart, children are abused, homes and furniture are being broken up, jobs are being lost, or jobs are being sought... and you felt it was your job to help those people... would you spend your time helping those people or spend your time trying to help someone that wouldn't work with you


I understand this. But in my case we didn't even get to a point of me being recalcitrant. I just felt like it was not approached with as much "mutual respect" as I would have liked (and again, that may be very self-aborbed and arrogant). I mean, there is such a thing as a self-fulfilling prophesy: if you go in with this "be ready to do this or I'm moving on to someone else" you may put someone's back up and ultimately arrive at the very place you're telling the person not to go if he/she wants your help. AGain, I'm not trying to throw this gal under the bus; he was so kind to me and things she said to me early on in the first 30 days helded and kept me coming back. I just think presentation is everything. I know, I know, why do I need to have something presented to me "just right" -- becuase I'm hyper sensitive, self-conscious and arguing with myself over finding a reason why AA is not for me. That was just not helpful (although it couldn't have been too detrimental because I'm still here).

Okay, I really have to do some work today so I'm going to peel myself away from this site for a few hours. :(
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Postby Susan68 » Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:35 pm

tim-one wrote:Hey, Susan!

It's great fun to keep track of sobriety. This "one-day-at-a-time" things is wonderful. Boy, howdy, it makes for a LONG MONTH! :lol:

Fine with me. Before, it was like waking up on Christmas Day the day after Christmas. :roll: Where DID that year go??

Have you ever gone on a long drive making a game out of noticing every mile-marker on the highway? Talk about a LONG, SLOOOOOOW DRIVE!

It's a wonder realizing there's a DAY goin' on around me! :shock:

Have fun,
Tim1


I'm actually being funny about the calculator. When I first found this site (I was actually online looking for alternative treatments for alcohol abuse (other than AA) and the first or second hit was Clancy's 7 seven Q's or whatever that was, the blurb "I particularly find this useful with High Bottom Intellectual TYpes," and I then gave up my search for alternative methods. But the calcutor is like a little toy. When I first found it I though, I would shoot myself in the head if I was counting SECONDS, but then I quickly came to enjoy plugging my date in. Hey, what can I say?
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Postby Susan68 » Sun Jun 14, 2009 1:31 pm

DiggerinVA wrote:Sponsors there is a pamphlet that suggests what sponsors do. I would suggest for you to read it. Their roles appear to have changed through the years. It took me three try's to find a sponsor. The 1st person I asked had 4 years, but he had not worked the steps, but he gave me his phone number anyway. The second did not like my concept of my Higher Power (I do have that choice). The third one was just right. :D Keep at it you are making progress.


Thank you for your post. I found yesterday Clancy's pamphlet on sponsoring (I think it was Clancy). It was helpful to read. I decided yesterday I do need to find someone who unabashedly and fervently believes in my Higher Power, and I will wait until I find him/her.

Thank you, and everyone else on here, for your thoughts, insights, etc. Again, I'm loving being able to come on here, read, post, etc. It's great.
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Postby Dallas » Sun Jun 14, 2009 6:39 pm

Susan wrote:I know, I know, why do I need to have something presented to me "just right" -- becuase I'm hyper sensitive, self-conscious and arguing with myself over finding a reason why AA is not for me.


Are you analyzing me? :lol: :lol:
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Postby garden variety » Wed Jun 17, 2009 7:17 am

Dallas wrote:3. Sponsors.

b. There is no rule about opposite sex sponsorship. I've known a lot of fine ladies that have sponsored men and a lot of fine men that have sponsored ladies.

The un-written rule is: "Don't have sex with your sponsor." If you're going to have sex with them... let them be a friend or a mate or a bed buddy or whatever... just don't think in terms of sponsorship.

Whatever I chose... male or female... my rule would be that I'm not sexually attracted to them.

Heck, I don't remember and I've probably gone on too long and added a bunch of ready-to-burn ideas to the fire!


OK brother, I'd like to comment on this one (You probably knew I'd have something to say, huh?).

You already know how "unwritten rules" grate on my nerves. :evil: But I'm behind you on this one. I think your "unwritten rule" of not having sex with your sponsor, and your "personal" boundary about not being sexually attracted to a potential sponsor are right on the money.

Can you guess why? :roll:

Been there - done that. No there isn't any rule, or anything in the book or 12 + 12 that says a sponsor and sponsee can't have sex. It just didn't work out right for me. There wasn't an issue about either of our concerns about each others sobriety.

I really hate admitting to this - I mean I really REALLY don't want to. I guess my point is to the new person - this does happen. We were attracted to each other and, well, we hit it off together. But she (wisely) fired me as a sponsor because our relationship was more important to her than having me as a sponsor.

You know, there are times when I can be pretty dense. I mean Gomer Pyle dense - thinking I could be her sponsor. But I REALLY DID think it could work - at least in my mind I thought it could. I won't get into the details, but this wasn't in my early sobriety. Not my best call at all.

If any lady is offended by this, I really am sorry. I'll try to clarify. I'll just go on the record saying that this wasn't "13th stepping" in the "classic" sense. We both wanted to have a consensual relationship, and we had been "involved" before she asked me to sponsor her. But boy did she ever get flack! Imagine hearing "I didn't know you could sleep with your sponsor". :oops:

The issue that caused the problem was "control". Neither of us were controlling with each other, and didn't want to be. But sponsorship "imposed" added responsibilities that normally weren't a part of a romantic encounter or relationship. I was a bit shocked, even a bit hurt, when she said "I'm firing you. You can't be my sponsor anymore." But she also said it wasn't because of the way I was sponsoring her, but it brought back some painful memories of a past marriage.

So what I'm saying, to speak to about how that "general rule" applies to me, is that I'm either going to be a sponsor and/or platonic friend/confidante - OR - I'm going to be a lover/companion. From my personal experience, I couldn't be both, or do both.

I'm "fessing up" because I'm human, and not what some would consider the "perfect AA" - especially when being honest about a matter like this. But I'm also not ashamed of my conduct (neither was she) because neither of us were "taking advantage" of the other, and neither of us were hurt. It was a "new" and "different" experience that I can honestly say I wouldn't do again.

Is the expression "live and learn" :?: :?: :?:

One more thing - this is a "real" thing - call it one of my own "unwritten rules" that I feel is important to say. As much as I talk about "relationships" and sex, I'm aware of "risks". There is defintely an easy path that leads to my doctor's office - anyone that gets "involved" with another should follow that easy path to their own doctor. Call it practicing safety and respect for each other, and with each other.
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