- I had a rough day today

I had a rough day today




Alcoholics and Addicts sharing their personal recovery story with us to help others who want to recover.

Postby garden variety » Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:03 am

Hi Heather,

Dallas is right about that alcoholism is much more than just a bad habit.

For many of us, there are "springs" that get sprung and our minds try to go on vacation.

For me it is, and has always, been a physical craving followed by an obsession. I no longer have the obsession, but even after 10 years without a drink, I still will get a physical "urge" once in a while. Totally baffles me.

The last time it happened with me was a couple years ago, and I was on my way home from my home group (of all times to happen!). I'm driving down the highway, and suddenly I get the taste of scotch in my mouth. I mean I could actually taste the stuff...and anyone who's drank scotch before knows that taste. It just came out of nowhere, completely. Oh there might have been some oddball "trigger", but when I drank, I drank so much that the clock hand reaching 12 could have been a trigger.

So there was a physical phenominon all right that happened. But not drinking for so long and coming back from a meeting, the "sensation" was pretty much dead in the water, and it went away in within minutes. But every day I prepare myself - I never let go of the fact that I am an alcoholic and that without a God of my understanding, the 12 steps, and the AA fellowship - I won't have a defense against that "urge" that might "suddenly cross my mind."
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Postby angel143 » Tue Jun 16, 2009 11:02 am

((((((((((((((((((((((((all of you))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

I realize I keep saying that! :lol:

I apologize for not getting back and responding sooner. My dog had an emergency last night, so I was tending to him....and my teary eyed kids.

I just got into work, I have a couple things I need to do with my patient, then Ill be back to write more.

Love you all
Heather
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Postby tim-one » Tue Jun 16, 2009 11:06 am

'Zakly, Dallas & GV.

The phenomenon of craving, as I understand what I've been told by the good doctor and current knowledge of addiction.

The physical brain is addicted. It needs the stuff. The mind is dependent. It thinks it needs the stuff. Whether the mind taught the brain to need it or the brain convinced the mind to need it, BY NOW ... it doesn't matter. They work together.

It's the mind that AA can do something about. Minds can be retaught. Dependence breeds habit. So, many of my triggers are habitual and note necessarily emotional coersion.

Being successful one quiting smoking, I learned something about habit and addiction. Same thing to a trivial degree.

Nuthin I could do about the physical addiction to smoke. Had to break the mental habit with enough willpower to overcome the addictive craving. (We've all tried that with alcohol. Any luck?)

I noticed that smoking is not just a habit. It's a whole slew of habits. Instead of mustering all my will into quitting smoking. I broke it up into easier chunks. I quit smoking while drinking coffee. After eating. Working at my computer. Driving. Standing still. Walking. Sitting in the bathroom. I just avoided sex altogether to avoid the after. :roll:

One habit at a time. Teaching myself that I could do that things without a smoke.

Alcoholic triggers come in all shapes and sizes for any reason. Not so easy, but that's what the AA stepwork is for. Retraining what we do in any given situation when we would have had a drink. Breaking one habit at a time.

But here's the real deal: My alcoholic mind is trying to kill me. Happens alcohol is it's weapon of choice.

If I stop doing what I'm supposed to do - the 5 daily things - I'm a goner. My mind will kill me.

As long as I'm doing what I'm told to do, I don't have triggers today.

If I stop, I'll be triggered to death.

I must keep my mind pre-occupied and distracted by the constant seeking HP and constant AA do-it-or-elses.

Love y'all,
Tim1
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Postby Anja » Tue Jun 16, 2009 12:36 pm

Bless your heart, Angel. Sounds like you did all the right stuff.

Your story reminded me of, after my relapse, the first time I was out alone in about four months. Finally had my car and had a couple of hours away from the halfway house. And I got scared! What a surprise that was.

First time in month no one but me was monitoring my behavior and there were liquor signs at every turn. My head was, knee-jerk-like, turning at every neon flash.

I went back early just to feel safe again. Thought to myself, "This is what being institutionalized feels like." Heh.

It was also a good message to myself that I probably wasn't ready to go home yet.

And I also remember the first day I was out alone and that peripheral vision kicked in and I looked. Yup, liquor store. And my thoughts and gut-reaction were so satisfying. "You are not going to get one more piece of me!" Progress.

And now and then I'll have that old conditioned response and it's a good reminder of why I continue to attend my meetings regularly.

Good for you. And doesn't it always feel so good when we make the right choice?
Anja
 
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Postby tim-one » Tue Jun 16, 2009 1:33 pm

Good stuff, Anja.

Yeeeaaahhhh ... it's feels so good when it works, huh?!
___________

Hey, Dallas. I think I just made up an AA "snippet"! 8)

constant AA do-it-or-elses.


"AA - Not a "do-it-yourself" program; It's a "do-it-or-else" program."

Huh? Whadya think?

Love,
Tim1
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Postby angel143 » Tue Jun 16, 2009 3:46 pm

So I am quickly realizing that when I pray, and ask God for help. When I admit to him that I cannot do it all by myself. That I need him in my life.... his responses are not necessarily going to be what I think they should be. He has a mind of His own and will do what is best for me....even though I may not realize it at this time.

I believe everything happens for a reason. We just may not know what that reason is when it happens. It may take moments, days, weeks...sometimes even years for us to realize what the reason was. But when we are suppose to know, He will let us know.

I believe He is trying to show me that I am stronger than I ever thought I was. That I can handle all the things He puts in my life, and I can do it sober. And through Him...I will be me, I will be sober, I will be happy, and I will be the strongest, most caring, humble, and full of grace person that I can be.

I hope you all are having great days
Love to all
H
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Postby tim-one » Tue Jun 16, 2009 3:56 pm

I apologize for not getting back and responding sooner. My dog had an emergency last night, so I was tending to him....and my teary eyed kids.


Heather,

I kinda blew by that. How's your dog? Sounds pretty traumatic for the kids. You didn't mention you.

Mind sharing that experience with me?

Thanks,
Tim1
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Postby angel143 » Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:57 pm

Hiya Timmy--- (sorry, I know SOOOO many Tims and thats what I call all of them...thats just me)

Well, in the mind of my kids, and myself, it WAS traumatic. Im a nurse, I can handle people things. Im not a Vet, I cant handle dog things, plus he cant talk,that makes it a wee bit more difficult.

My dog doesnt like water, but when my kids are in the pool, he likes to be on the top step. My brother had bought my kids what they call a bubble chair. Its the pool floaty material for the arms and back and has a netting as the seat. For some strange reason Blizzard (thats my dog) decided to try to jump on it. His paws got caught in the netting and I had to help him out of the pool. I immediately saw that, what I would call his thumb nail, on his front paw was twisted out to the side bleeding and hanging on by a thread so to speak. I rushed him to the ER Vet, thank goodness they are 24/7. They had to sedate him because he as so upset and in so much pain. They ended up removing his nail and giving him some meds.

It was an emotional night. But he is doing better. He is still groggy from his meds, but doing much better.

Thanks for askin

H
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Postby Susan68 » Tue Jun 16, 2009 9:01 pm

angel143 wrote:His paws got caught in the netting and I had to help him out of the pool. I immediately saw that, what I would call his thumb nail, on his front paw was twisted out to the side bleeding and hanging on by a thread so to speak. I rushed him to the ER Vet, thank goodness they are 24/7. They had to sedate him because he as so upset and in so much pain. They ended up removing his nail and giving him some meds.


Poor baby!! Is the little guy okay? :cry: :cry:
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Postby Dallas » Wed Jun 17, 2009 12:15 am

Keep us posted on the dogs well-being!
I guess you can tell that a few of us are dog lovers, too! :wink:

I hope he's well, that you are well and that you're kids are doing fine, too!

Same to you, Susan... and... TIMMY!!! :lol: (Seems like I remember you posting something about "Timmy"... or was I just readding your mind again?)

Nice to hear from all of you!

Dallas
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