- __How to find a sponsor. Good read!!

__How to find a sponsor. Good read!!




Discussions related to Sponsors, Sponsoring, Working with others,

__How to find a sponsor. Good read!!

Postby txsuperman » Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:26 pm

"I have been asked often how to find a sponsor. My answer never varies. Get a sponsor who has experience in taking others through the 12 steps and identifies him/herself as someone who has recovered.
If someone says they are still "Recovering" politely pass, and keep looking until you find someone for whom the Program has actually worked. If someone is "Still recovering" then either whatever they are doing hasn't worked OR they may be trying to recover from an illness they haven’t’ got. In either case - you’re screwed.
Disregard how "Nice" or "Knowledgeable" the still recovering person seems. If you want to be that person's friend, fine - but do not permit yourself to fall under their sponsorship, unless they have recovered from alcoholism. "Not drinking" today does not count. YOU may NEVER drink again and this person’s method may KILL you - as earnest and nice as they seem.
Your sponsor will refer to him/herself as "RECOVERED"

He/she'll know EXACTLY what to do with you from there and you can trust that without reservation.

Do not let anyone sponsor you whose solution is "Don't drink and go to meetings", or "Just don't drink" or "One day at a time". These concepts are not part of our Program, but they are rampant never the less. If that is their solution, and it works for them, it may KILL you, if you are a real alcoholic as described in those first 43 pages of the Big Book. And THAT'S the ONLY description that counts in this Program -- not mine, yours, Dr, Phil’s or our family’s & friends -- not even the old-timer in the meeting who hasn’t cracked a Big Book in ten years other than to read at his turn at the old "Big Book meeting."

If a potential sponsor tells you aren't ready to take the steps, RUN! If anyone tells you they did it slowly, therefore so can you RUN! They may not be "one of us".

This is IMPORTANT-Take the 12 steps as fast as you possibly can. It IS a race. You must recover before the next first drink comes along, and don't let anyone tell you that THEY know when that is for you. You do not have to be prey to arrogance.They don’t know when YOUR next first drink will come along. No one does!
And then after you have worked the Program in the book, and the desire to drink has left, (That's a promise that it will), then you will be in a position to go find another alcoholic to work with as your sponsor has done and pass it on to another in the position you are in now."
-danny s
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Postby DiggerinVA » Thu Jun 18, 2009 3:59 pm

Well said!!
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Postby Dallas » Thu Jun 18, 2009 9:38 pm

txsuperman wrote:Get a sponsor who has experience in taking others through the 12 steps and identifies him/herself as someone who has recovered.
If someone says they are still "Recovering" politely pass, and keep looking until you find someone for whom the Program has actually worked. If someone is "Still recovering" then either whatever they are doing hasn't worked OR they may be trying to recover from an illness they haven’t’ got. In either case - you’re screwed.


In the interest of sharing the other side of this view:


1. Also, if someone makes a big deal over "recovery" and "recovered"... or says that "they are recovered" and makes a big deal over it... you might not want to just -- politely pass, and keep looking until you find someone understands what the terms recovery and recovered actually mean.... without putting their unique and different spin on it -- you may want to run! This person is more often that not (as I've seen it) trying to sell you an idea and a theory that's generated entirely from a position of Self-interest. Theories have never worked very well in regards to alcoholics achieving or maintaining their sobriety.

The person is confused -- and you'll undoubtedly become confused also.

2. In the front section of the Big Book, the term "Recovered" is used.

Unfortunately, some make a confusingly big deal over it and the term recover and recovery.

Recover, recovery and recovered all mean precisely one thing: "Sober" And, that's all it means.

3. If the person still trys to convince you of their unique spin on recovery, recover and recovered... you may want to remind them that "the majority of those that the BB referred to as recovered -- returned to drinking!" About 25% of those that went back to drinking were able to sober up again after a few tries. The others died either trying to get sober again -- or they just gave up.

And, if it's important to your research... you may want to keep going to AA and keep tabs on how many of the "recovered alcoholics" return to drinking.... before you "turn you will and life over to their ideas." (Alcoholism is fatal -- the majority of alcoholics die from alcoholism.).

4. The assumption that recover, recovery and recovered mean more than simply an alcoholic that is not drinking... i.e. "sober" ... often leads to the error that they are "cured" of their alcoholism.

The Ego... can be the alcoholics worst adversity to continued long-term sobriety. The Ego is the part that wants to "make you different" and "make you special and unique" and "not like the others."

It would be nice if those that make a big deal over "recover, recovery and recovered" would do a little bit of their own research before trying to convert others to their unique perception.

Why not find a less confusing term for "treated alcoholism"... vs "untreated alcoholism"... instead of mixing up with an idea that really only means "an alcoholic that is currently not be drinking"

I've found that the majority of those making the big deal over "recover, recovery and recovery" do have a valid point, and their concept is near correct, (has potentially fatal errors in it) and their presentation is full of holes and causes confusion, especially for newcomers.

The valid point is "treated" alcoholism verses "untreated alcoholism".

If the alcoholic is not drinking -- and the alcohol has left their body "they are sober" regardless if they are treating or not treating their alcoholism.

ie: recover, recovery, recovered applied.

When the alcoholic "treats" their alcoholic condition with the 12 Steps, they are sober and "treating their alcoholism."

The idea of a "permanent cure" or having reached a level of "permanent abstinence" has lead to the alcoholic deaths of many alcoholics.

This is also one of the reasons that the early AA's broke away from the Oxford Group movement. The Oxford Group movement was a religious doctrine that implied an alcoholic being "cured." (The idea of "once saved always saved" ).

The early AA's had 1,935 years of attempting to use this type of religion to obtain permanent sobriety. (And, a history of a few thousand years prior to that). The problem was: it occasionally worked... but most of the time it didn't work for the "real alcoholic" (the type of alcoholic that the BB was written to appeal to).

Their Steps to Recovered were:

Step 1: On Sunday they got saved and delivered... as they made their confession and promise of "With God's help! I'll never do this again!)

Step 2: on Wednesday they went to the pawn shop, then, immediately launched into a vigorous course of action -- to

Step 3: find the nearest liquor store... and got drunk again.

The early AA's discovered "through their experience" that this would not work.

The most valuable thing I learned in AA, from my very first AA sponsor was a lttle line that's most often overlooked at the bottom of page 58 in the Big Book. It deals with "letting go of old ideas absolutely!"

I believe that this principle is most valuable if applied daily -- and during the moment -- just like "Step 10"... An idea that you had yesterday, yesteryear, yester-hour, yester-minute... is "an old idea".

Keep an open mind and be willing to change and to learn. Remember, once you got it all figured out -- there is no more learning! You know it all -- and that's a very dangerous place for an alcoholic to be.

Keep coming back!

Dallas B.
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Postby ccs » Thu Jun 18, 2009 11:39 pm

Wisdom of the Rooms

June 15, 2009
Quote of the Week

"The ONLY thing that can ever make me drink again is untreated alcoholism."

There is a lot in this quote. First, it reminds me that no matter how much time I have, I also still have the disease of alcoholism. Like someone once said, after each day I stay sober, at night alcoholism is in the closet doing pushups and by morning it has grown stronger.

This is why, each day, I have to do something to strengthen my recovery and treat my alcoholism. I can go to a meeting, talk to another alcoholic, work the steps or be of service in some other way. Each of these activities help to keep me spiritually fit, and only by developing, maintaining or growing my spiritual life can I effectively treat my alcoholism.

This quote also reminds me that other people's untreated alcoholism is a danger to me as well. If I'm not spiritually fit, then I'm vulnerable to the influence, the resentment, the lure and the romance of others alcoholism. In these, and many other ways, alcohol truly is cunning baffling and powerful.

Only by constant vigilance and treatment of my alcoholism can I remain sober and recovered.
__________________ :wink:
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Postby txsuperman » Fri Jun 19, 2009 2:30 pm

Dallas,
It's not a BIG deal to use RECOVERED. I'm just doing what the book says. I see that you use the book as something of conveinence. When you take a prospect through the book and the steps, the way the book says, there's nothing really confusing about that.
I tend to disagree with YOUR ideal that recover, recovery, and recovered meaning that same thing. Someone recovering is still trying to solve the drink problem. Someone who has recovered has solved the drink problem. They aren't cured, but the obsession to drink has been removed.
"It would be nice if those that make a big deal over "recover, recovery and recovered" would do a little bit of their own research before trying to convert others to their unique perception" .........What is unique about doing EXACTLY what the big book tells us to do. It's not a perception, it's the tools and plan of recovery the big book outlines for us.I thought you had done YOUR research.
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Postby Dallas » Fri Jun 19, 2009 2:53 pm

Hi Jason,

It's perfectly agreeable with me -- for us to disagree. :wink:

The disagreements shouldn't come in the way of our Unity of trying to reach out and accomplish the same objective: helping ourselves by trying to help another alcoholic.

Like I said, I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything.

I believe that it's a personal responsibility for each man/woman to discover their own truth and to live with that truth, as they understand it, based on the experiences of their own individual journey in Life -- even if it's different than anyone else's understanding.

I still wish and hope the best for you and for all those that you'll help!

Dallas
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Postby angel143 » Fri Jun 19, 2009 4:12 pm

Isnt it possible, just maybe, that when 2 people (especially thousands of people) read the exact same thing, that they will take away from it their own individual interpretation? And even when someone does their OWN research, they still will interpret something differently than the next person.

This does NOT in ANY way make that person wrong. It doesnt make the other one wrong either. What is wrong is when people cant be open to others views. They dont have to agree with them, but be accepting that...for them...they are doing the correct thing.

I respect and love everyone on here. All of your posts help me so much. I am thankful for all of you.

However, when the 'ole timers' talk....The ones that have been sober for so many years...you know who you are....I tend to listen even more. Something they are doing has worked. If they are recovering, recovered...I dont care what they call themselves, as long as they keep talking to me and helping me.

This site and all of you here...you are a part of my HP. You make me strong. You make me accountable. You are a part of the reason I want to stay sober. I respect all of you. I look up to you.

I am looking forward to the day that I can say....'hi, im heather, im an alcoholic, and i am 25 years sober!'

I am also looking forward to the day that I can help someone through their hard times, like you all have helped me.

My words arent as eloquent as some of the others...but I hope you all understand whats in my heart.

I love you
Heather
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Postby ccs » Fri Jun 19, 2009 4:51 pm

AWWWW Heather you are sooo eloquent!!!! ( I had look at your post to spell it :lol: )
in my oppinion !!! its not how well you speak or if you can quote every last word of the B.B. its not how many years or days you have

its the fact that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines ( it says grow not when we are grown!!! we must continue to grow )
its that we keep the line open to our H.P. (GOD) that we stay open minded honest and willing that we keep spiritually fit to stay fit we have to continue to grow , tolerence & love thats our code if we dont grow how can we tolerate and love everyone :)

Heather sounds to me like you are Growing and whats in your heart is beautiful please keep sharing because the best sharing is that wich comes from the heart !!!

LUV U 2 Cessie
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Postby Dallas » Fri Jun 19, 2009 5:01 pm

Heather!!! You're something else! :wink:
You keep me coming back!
You help me keep the desire to stay sober!

You see... if I were to drink... you might become my sponsor!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

And, then I'd have to do what you say!!! :twisted:

You might want to make me become as sweet and kind as you are... without becoming a girl about it! :lol:

Maybe... that wouldn't be so bad... but, I still don't want to drink just to find out!!!! :lol: :lol:

And, Cessie!!!

You're already sponsoring me!!!! Actually, you and Heather are sponsoring me daily!!! (I don't know if I should let my sponsor know that or not!) :lol:

Cessie, I appreciate all that you bring to this place! You bring you... and you bring all that wonderful AA that you're always sharing here -- that keeps me growing! You're a great example to follow!

Thanks to both of you for keeping me in line and on the path!!!

Dallas
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Postby angel143 » Fri Jun 19, 2009 5:09 pm

Dallas,

I agree with you 100% about Cessie. Cess...you rock!!!!

I cant be your sponsor....

But im glad I dont have to be.

But if you wanna know what its like, I can order you around anyways just for fun!

:wink: :lol: :twisted: :D
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12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - __How to find a sponsor. Good read!!