- Feeling like Drinking today

Feeling like Drinking today




Topics related to AA Meetings - and alcohol addiction recovery

Feeling like Drinking today

Postby Susan68 » Wed Jun 17, 2009 3:33 pm

Okay, I had a bass-ass day, and just the kind that used to send me out of the courthouse straight to a pint or two or three of Sam Adams.

Sometimes women are not always paid the same respect as men are (believe it or not). You go to court, trying to advance your client's case, and you have layer upon layer of b.s. you have to wade through. It's as stressful as stressful gets. But when things are not going the way they should and it's obstacle after obstacle and then SEE YA, and you're driving back to the office as frustrated as one can be, "John Barleycorn" (actually, it would Samuel Adams) is just the fellow you are looking for, and I'm feeling it today!

But, I'm sitting in my office at the moment. I was kinda thinking the feeling would pass within a few minutes of driving back, but that was an hour ago. And wouldn't you know, that kind gal I complained about re: the sponsor issue had a left a message on voicemail while I was in court, which I found upon entering my car?! That woman has seriously good timing (it wasn't the first time she just happened to call at the right time). I'm going to call her tonight, dump on her. I think I'm also going to go find the closest next meeting.

Thanks for letting me share!!! :evil: :evil:
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Postby angel143 » Wed Jun 17, 2009 3:40 pm

I understand and im thinking about you.

Isnt it funny how some people just 'know' when to call? Its like they can sense it....that we need it.

Im glad you are staying strong! Congrats!

Find that meeting and let us know how it goes.

If you need anything, even another person to call, just let me know!

Heather
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Postby Dallas » Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:10 pm

Hi Susan. I hope the feelings have past -- and that you survived them! It might be a good time to get to know that gal regardless of what you might think about her. She might end up being a lifeline for you, someday.

Susan68 wrote:"And wouldn't you know, that kind gal I complained about re: the sponsor issue had a left a message on voicemail while I was in court, which I found upon entering my car?! That woman has seriously good timing (it wasn't the first time she just happened to call at the right time). I'm going to call her tonight, dump on her. I think I'm also going to go find the closest next meeting"


Was it you -- in a different forum, that wrote something about a Higher Power, or something like that? Hmmm. Interesting.

The people that showed up in my life at just the right time -- by seconds and inches -- that helped me make it to the other side -- sober -- were not always the people that I liked or thought much about. Some, were ones that I seriously disliked! :wink:

One lesson I learned early was "When it feels like my ass is falling off -- go ahead and temporarily suspend my judgements and my thinking -- and accept ANY help that's available to help me not take the next first drink." For me... "whatever that is or who ever that is"... is the Higher Power that I need for that moment.

I haven't read the rest of the board yet. Be sure you check in and let us know how it's going for you.

Dallas
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Postby ROBERT » Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:58 pm

A sponser once said to me..."Sometimes it hard to remember your there to drain the swamp...when your knee deep in alligators!! Ya know it has taken a very long time to come to understand that ditty...and it holds a lot of water(good pun huh) for me today...I mean I can get caught up in the days activities and find my self worked up,in a frenzy,etc,etc,----pre-recovery I would have no problem going for relief--then the problems that choice brought to my life caused more reason to look for relief..yada-yada-yada...post-recovery I find I'm still vulnerable to get "caught-up" then the work I've put into the steps,reading,sharing,etc begins to infiltrate my life sorta automaticaly and I'm not looking to escape--my reaction or reactions have drastically improved...BUT this has been a long process-one I at times did not think was gonna happen for me...but it did...this thing called recovery is not a race,and no matter how hard I tried to speed up the process...well, LACK OF POWER IS MY DILEMA...BUT WHAT A RIDE...hang tough Susan..this thing WORKS..........
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Postby tim-one » Thu Jun 18, 2009 9:01 am

Glad you came through, Susan.

Good girl.

"No problem is ever so devastating that a drink can't make it worse."

Love,
Tim1

PS: HHmmm ... Is getting no respect a woman thing? I might oughta rethink my gender. :?
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Postby garden variety » Thu Jun 18, 2009 2:12 pm

Hi Susan,

I'm sorry to hear that you had a bad day. I understand what you mean by not feeling respected by your peers and even the judges. You went to school for the same amount of time, you earned good grades, you passed the exam. But "snicker, snicker" and "stupid bit_ch" under the breath is a real disillusionment experience. How come? Many men really are pigs, plain and simple.

"Respect" is a relative thing, and sometimes everyone doesn't get or give enough of it. But live life as a woman, gay man, or person with darker skin - then you learn a different and uglier dimension of the word "respect" that has a very mean and personal slant. Racism and sexism are still alive and well, unfortunately.

The problem we encounter as alcoholics, especially early on in sobriety, is that we falsely believe that drinking is a useful coping skill. Pretty novel idea huh? Bottle up coping skills and sell them over the counter. We use a chemical solution to a spiritual, social, or emotional problem. It's like mixing oil and water - never works. The only solution that works for alcoholism is the "spiritual program of action" given to us.

I'm glad the lady-friend called you. I'm glad you're considering constructive action to help you overcome your feelings. I'd encourage you to go to that meeting, and if you can, find someone with a few less days sober than you, and give her a smile and a sincere word of encouragement.

"Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with another alcoholic. It works when other activities fail." (see page 89)

Dallas beat that into my head. He was on the money.
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Postby Dallas » Thu Jun 18, 2009 3:04 pm

How come? Many men really are pigs, plain and simple.


You know I gotta present a view from the other side don't you? :lol:

There are also many men that really are not pigs, plain and simple, too! :wink:

Paul, I think you and me are just two of the "many" that are not pigs.

I believe it's all about "fear". And, fear is something that drives many men and women.

When a person is afraid -- they sometimes try to intimidate another person to the point of the other person becoming afraid -- and, if the other person becomes afraid -- they are not able to respond efficiently.

It's also kind of like fish... When a fish appears to be wounded -- predator fish will automatically chase after it until they get it. They sense the wounded's weakness and then prey on it.

So, what's the solution? Our book talks about the destructive nature of fear. We can live to find a way to live without it.

I understand that yes, there is a good-ole boy mentality. There is also a good-ole woman mentality.... and good-ole -- other types of group and peer mentality.

A predator is a predator. There are predators of all sexes... not just men.

I don't know if it's my naivety or it's my outlook on life -- but, I look at most people, men and women, as being good... rather than being pigs or predators.

It could be because I believe myself to be a good person -- so I tend to view others the way I view myself -- as good.

Once upon a time -- I was a "not so good person"... when I was that way, I viewed the majority of others as being like me. No good.

Once upon a time -- I was untrustworthy. And, I had difficulty trusting anyone. Why? Because of my own untrustworthiness.

Funny how, when I became a trustworthy person -- I began seeing the majority of people as trustworthy.

My naivety? Maybe. But, even if it is -- the world sure looks better to me today -- than it did in my past!

How about when I was drinking? I perceived that the majority drank like I did. I perceived that all drinkers got the effects that I didn. I perceived that absolutely nobody -- could be really happy -- unless they were drinkers. And, if they didn't drink -- they were miserable and you couldn't trust them! :lol: :lol:

When I got sober -- I discovered that I was of the minority -- and of the minority of drinkers. I was an alcoholic and the majority of drinkers are not alcoholic.

Please don't take offense! :wink:

For me, "turn it over" doesn't mean that I "give something away" -- it means that I "turn it over and look at the other side of it." And, I've made it a nasty habit of "trying to see something from different angles."

It's not that I'm argumentative or like to pick fights or try to "correct someone"... heck, I'm least qualified to fight or correct someone!

I just found that for me, it often makes me feel better, and I feel more confident and at peace, when I look at it from different angles.

Hey. It's just my ideas. I know they may not be right -- and I know I may change my mind 30 seconds from now! That's okay with me -- I enjoy it when I change. I like change and I look forward to change. You see, for me to change... it means I'm still alive... and I'm still growing!

Sometimes I see things differently -- and someone like Paul comes along and sets me straight with different ideas -- like the other day in different topics. I thank you for that, Paul! You help me to grow and to learn and to understand and you help me discard the things about myself and my ideas... that I need to change!

No. I don't love everyone -- but, I do love you, man! :wink:

And, at the end of the day... you're probably right!

And, I'd rather be happy than be right! So, I don't mind being wrong as long as being wrong keeps me happy, joyous and free! :lol:

Dallas
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Postby Susan68 » Thu Jun 18, 2009 4:21 pm

Well, I'm back. Sorry, I have been sooo incredibly busy this week that I haven't had to time respond to all the stuff I'd like to. I'm going to try to do it over the weekend.

Thanks for all the points of view and helpful words on this issue. It was just a bad day, and there will be more to come. No drinking though. 47 days today!!! (that would 67216 minutes as of 5:16 p.m. eastern standard time, but who's countin')

Seriously, I really appreciate all you taking the time to read my post and respond in such detail. I read it all, I take it in.

I went out to dinner with my mother last night and told her all about how I was feeling. She congratulated me on being so courageous to be so honest with myself (I went through with her why I actually really did need to be in AA). It was nice to hear. She's become a decent resource in terms of just having someone to talk to.

And yeah, I called back my erstwhile temporary sponsor twice, couldn't get her, but she left a message for me today. We'll chat. I didn't mean to say anything bad about her in any of my message (sorry if it came across that way); just wasn't crazy about some of her approach (which, man, whatever, she was nice enough to take an interest).

Anyway, I'm back in court tomorrow on this same case that had me feeling yesterday like I needed a couple pints. I'm sure the judge is going to be very difficult with me, but it's okay!

:D :lol: :D :lol:
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Postby Dallas » Thu Jun 18, 2009 6:52 pm

Susan68 wrote:It was just a bad day, and there will be more to come. No drinking though. 47 days today!!! (that would 67216 minutes as of 5:16 p.m. eastern standard time, but who's countin')


I count!!!!

I don't want to forget where I am and from where I came --- I might have to start counting all over again! And, I may not remember how to count.

Today... I even feel like I count.

Maybe... it's because I've been counting! :wink:

On the flip side........ 50/50 chance... things will go so good that you'll need to talk to mom again!!!! :lol:

That's life. Ups and Downs. Downs, downs, downs, up, up UP UP and UP! Then, down and up and up. Down, up up up!

When I thought Life was treating me badly... I started keeping a log of my good days and bad days... When I tried to prove I was right -- that life was getting worse... the numbers proved me wrong!

Glad to see you back Susan.

If the judge gets tough -- or the day gets tough...

Remember... you've got a whole bunch of folks here rooting for you, and on you side thinking and wishing and hoping and praying for the best for you!

You're not alone. You won't be alone.

Keep coming back!

Dallas
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Postby garden variety » Fri Jun 19, 2009 6:53 am

Dallas.

You're a real rascal :twisted: - I tell you what!

Tryin' to get me to look around in here and smash ego, are ya? get to that in a minute...

First and most importantly, I agree with everything you said. 100%. :lol: :lol:

I love these little bits from what you said:

Dallas wrote:For me, "turn it over" doesn't mean that I "give something away" -- it means that I "turn it over and look at the other side of it." And, I've made it a nasty habit of "trying to see something from different angles."

I just found that for me, it often makes me feel better, and I feel more confident and at peace, when I look at it from different angles.

And, at the end of the day... you're probably right!

And, I'd rather be happy than be right! So, I don't mind being wrong as long as being wrong keeps me happy, joyous and free! :lol:

Dallas


I don't know if anyone has ever told you this, but I will today. You are very eloquent. You have great presentation, and I truly admire your style.

I did say many men are pigs, plain and simple. But with that, I also know that many men are not pigs, plain and simple. But there is one thing I did leave out.

If many men are pigs - buddy let me tell you what - then there was one time when I was their king. It takes a pig to know a pig, PLAIN AND SIMPLE. I was "King Pig" at one time in my life, and I'm not exempt from regaining that crown again! :shock:

But let me go back and retract my statement. I should not ever refer to any man as a "pig". God made pigs, and I don't want to give a bad name to something God made which is good. Besides, I really REALLY love good bar-be-que! :wink:

What I should have said is that there are many men that don't respect women, and that's sad. Sometimes it disturbs me when I see it so blatantly. But on the other hand, many men do respect women, and that's something to admire.

I've seen a good share of abused women and children along my journey through life, and it breaks my heart. I remember the look in their eyes, and the way they apologize to me about everything like they were sorry to be taking up air that belongs to me. There's a lady I know and love today that almost got killed by a man that didn't respect her, but he swore to God that he would love and respect her, once he did. It's not a nice thing to see how that kind of hurt takes so long to go away. It's a deep hurt that causes more hurt for a long time. Sometimes it makes me cry to be observant enough to see those subtle behaviors that come years later in the aftermath of "violent forms" of disrespect. Not a pretty site.

Which leads me to the "ego-smashing" part of why I get disturbed, which is what I thank you for, Dallas, my loving brother.

I find myself saying "those bass-turds make it twice as hard for a good man (like me) to be trusted." Get my drift?

I'm disturbed because I think that I have to work twice as hard at being a respectful and trusting man because the man before me was "a pig". In a similar way, many women and people of different colors feel like they have to work "twice as hard" because one of their number acts in a "stereotypical" way and "makes it harder for the rest of us". The thing I just noticed upon taking my inventory about this (thanks again Dallas!), is that it doesn't matter what race, creed, sex, religion, lifestyle, or anything else I count myself as belonging to, in order to be "successful" it seems I have to work twice as hard because there is some "slacker" somewhere that gives me a "bad name".

So what I needed to do, really, is change the way I look at things. To be "good" at anything in life means that I will always need to "work harder".

Well the book says it this way on page 60:

"The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection."

Now there's one that I can apply across the board to everything. If I want to make progress, I need to "strive". Which means I will work harder, maybe twice as hard. This is where my ego needs to get smashed. NOBODY, NOT EVEN GOD, has demanded that I must work twice as hard to achieve anything. NOBODY, NOT EVEN GOD, has demanded that I HAVE TO STRIVE for anything or make any kind of progress.

I don't have to strive: I get to strive. It's a matter of my willingness. It's the choice I now have as a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Well then, if it's my choice, I suppose I don't need to have the world know that I'm working "twice as hard" as a slacker. For crying out loud, that's what I signed up for in the first place!

You know that carpenter fellow had something to say about this. He said if a man signs up for a job and agrees to get paid 10 bucks an hour at the beginning of the day, and he gets paid 10 bucks an hour at the end of the day, then it don't matter whether anyone else gets paid more or less, and he shouldn't be complaining. The man signed up for 10 bucks an hour and that's exactly what he got. "'Nuff said"!

Just one more thing bro. You said you'd rather be happy than right, and you don't mind being wrong if it keeps you happy, joyous, and free. Well you can also be right and be happy, joyous, and free, just like you are now. You are right! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Thanks for the view from "the other side". See how you helped me grow today Dallas?

God bless you, and you know I love you too, man! :wink:

Paul
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