Susan, sorry to hear that you had a bad weekend for being a sponsor. I understand.
I used to have those kinds of bad weekends for being a sponsor, when sponsees would go back out drinking, or worse, helping the family with funeral details. I, too, have experienced taking the sabatical route to re-group.... because it was eating my lunch.
My sponsor helped me out with this and I haven't had to have a bad weekend for being a sponsor, since he helped. However, helping an alcoholics family with funeral arrangements is still a tough one for me. It's still emotional -- but, it doesn't effect me like it used to because I stopped taking it personal and owning it as my problem.
My sponsor pointed out to me that just like the actions that I take or fail to take will effect my life and not his life -- the actions that those that I'm trying to help effect my life only if I'm choosing to take responsibility and accountability for their actions and their results. He said that it wasn't going to effect his life -- just because I choose to let it effect mine. He also said that he was going to have a good weekend regardless of what I choose to do.
I finally got that message and I haven't had those problems since.
I had been trying to carry the alcoholics while I was trying to carry the message to the alcoholics. I was trying to rescue them -- and my results were nil. It frustrated the heck out of me and I spent many sleepless nights.... That was also when I realized that I had been given the power to help them recover -- but, I couldn't recover them. Their recovery and their sobriety is their job. If I had the power to keep them sober and achieve sobriety for them -- they (and me) wouldn't need A.A.!!!
"RARELY HAVE we seen a person fail who has thoroughly
followed our path. Those who do not recover
are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves
to this simple program, usually men and women
who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with
themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not
at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are
naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner
of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances
are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer
from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of
them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest."
I have known many alcoholics that would not completely give themselves
to this simple program.... but I don't think I've ever met one who truly could not..... (yet).
I can help them with following our path -- but, I can't take their steps for them.
A doctor once told me that he could treat sick people and he could operate on them -- but, he couldn't heal them. I think I know why he told me that.
Best wishes for you.....