Thanks for sharing Julie, and for checking in to let us know how things are going for you.
I had a really difficult time with Step 3, also. It was so confusing for me. It was like "How can I do that?"
Then, I read pages 60-64 in the Big Book... which told me "How to Take Step Three."
I picked up a pen and put it to paper as I read the pages... making notes of all the things that I needed to be willing to change... Things like running the show... being in control of others... and playing God. I had to be willing to do all those things... but, I couldn't figure out how to do it... even after making my list of needed changes and reading the pages.
Then, my sponsor had me go back and read Step 3, on page 59...
I read it to him... and I still couldn't figure out how to do it. I explained to him that I had tried to make changes in the past... and had been unsuccessful at making the changes.
That's when he said to me... "Read the first four words of Step 3".
"We made a decision...
And, I still couldn't figure it out!!!
So, he pointed out to me... that in Step 3, all I was doing was making a decision
. I was only making a decision
to do something!!!
He said "How many times have you made a decision to do something?" (As if I was dumb or something...) I replied "Heck, I've made many decisions to do something!"
He said, "Name one". (That was tough for me...)
Then he asked, "Have you ever made a decision to do something... and then not followed through with doing it?" Yep... many times!
He said, "Well... Step 3, is no different. All your doing in Step 3, is making a decision to do something
He said you're only
that you want what we have and are willing to go to any lenghs to get it" in Step 3.
He said, "You've only decided... to turn your will and your life over to the care of God, as you understand God. And, nothing happens until you take action on Step 3, by taking Steps 4 through 9."
Yep... He said, In Step 3, I had only made a decision to do something... and that I hadn't really done it until I took Steps 4 through 9!
Why couldn't I figure that out???
Then, I asked... "Well... how can I make the decision... and change all the stuff that needs to be changed?"
And, he said... "You can't!"
He said read pages 63, again... slowly this time... so I did.
Oh! I need God's help to do it? Yep.
"He said are you willing
to go to any lenghs to turn your will and life over to the care of God? Are you in that much pain?"
So... when I got that much pain... I said "I'm ready and willing to do it"
And, he said, "then go ahead and make the decision -- say the prayer and mean it (on page 64) and you've taken Step 3!!"
That's all there is to it? He said "Yep. that's it" He said you've only made a decision to do it... now... you actually do it... by launching out on Step 4... and continuing with vigorous action... to take 5, 6, 7, 8, and start working on your Step 9."
When it was explained to me that way... I understood. And, I was able to make my decision
I heard many people say to me... "You've got to turn this or that over to God." Guess what??? Each time I turned it over to God -- He turned it right back over to me!
God isn't going to do my job for me. He expects me to do it. (See page 63-64)... He's the Employer... The employer doesn't do my job... I have to do my job. That's why he's the employer... and I'm just the employee. And, the job ain't done until I do it!