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Sponsors




Introduce yourself or read introductions from others!

Postby tim-one » Sun Jun 14, 2009 7:11 am

I kinda' like the old guys -- how come there seems to be an unspoke rule that sponsor/sponsee are paired along gender lines?


Susan,

I'm guessing that's a rhetorical question. But I'm gonna answer it to my understanding anyway .... onaccounta that's what I do. :roll:

Around here, that's not an unspoken rule. It's quite verbally stressed. Way too many opportunities for trouble. 1. There's the falling in love with your nurse" thing. 2. There are things one gender will not/should not talk with the other gender about. 3. It's far too easy for one to manipulate the other onaccounta that's what we do with each other. Really hard to stop that.

There's one woman here I would LOVE to have sponsor me. She's got an incredible story and I SO respect her solid sobriety and kind, but hard-ass manner.

If I ever do sponsor someone some day, I think I'll sit her down and make sure she knows what's she's asking me to do.


GREAT! You're planning to sponsor! YOU GO, you step-12-kinda-girl! :wink:

Perfect. Your method starting a sponsee out will be perfect for someone.

Hey, if you haven't, why don't you check out the "Sponsors" forum here. Pick up on what they talk about.

And RELAX. You're working it out for yourself. AND you're getting advice, alternative thinking. "In the counsel of many is wisdom". You're workin' it. Good girl.

Love,
Tim1
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Postby tim-one » Sun Jun 14, 2009 7:17 am

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ..... :lol:

I KNEW IT! I just noticed your handle all over the "Sponsors" forum. !!!!!

SEE? You're workin' it right. Relax so you can soak it up. :wink:

Love ya,
Tim1
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Postby Dallas » Sun Jun 14, 2009 9:34 am

This has become a lively discussion! :lol:

Kewl! Can I join it?

I was going to post last night... we'll early morning... but one of those nasty thunderstorms came roaring through and kept knocking out my Internet service. So, I probably forgot most of what I was going to reply. And, I've only had a 1/3 cup of coffee... nuked from last nights pot... and the new pot is brewing. So, I may read what I write and change it a few times -- after I wake up! :lol:

A few pointers that I wanted to include:

1. Most AA's that I know are pretty friendly. They'll go out of their way to help most anyone. Of course, they're not all that way. It's no different than any where else... there are many good people on earth that will go out of their way to help someone. For me, I see it as the majority of people. That's been my experience.

And, most AA's will try to be as helpful as they can and inclusive as they can be -- for newcomers that come into AA searching for answers.

The deal with "Are you willing to go to any lengths?" And, the "move on to the next one if they are not willing to work with you" Yes. It sounds harsh.... if not looking at it from the perspective that it's actually being referred to.

1. "Are you willing to go to any lengths?"

These comments are generalized and not directed at you or to you, or anyone else. So, PLEASE don't take them personal! Just think of them as "talking points" -- or "ideas being expressed". Not as suggestions, or anything else. (Tim1 likes to think I admonish and correct him... but, I"m powerless over his thinking! And, I don't admonish or try to correct anyone. :lol: )

If your house was on fire -- would you be willing to go to any lengths to get out of the house?

If you only had a short time to live unless you got medical attention... would you be willing to work with your doctor?

If you were an attorney in a free legal clinic and you had a line of people waiting to see you for help... would you spend a lot of time with a client that wouldn't follow your suggestions or work with you... while a line full of families were getting evicted from their homes... and they needed an injunction or stay to keep them in their house?

If you were just a normal person in every way, volunteering your time to help others... and you were watching as people die, families are torm apart, children are abused, homes and furniture are being broken up, jobs are being lost, or jobs are being sought... and you felt it was your job to help those people... would you spend your time helping those people or spend your time trying to help someone that wouldn't work with you?

The idea of "are you willing to go to any lengths" is in reference to "taking certain steps" (pg 58, BB). It doesn't refer to "are you willing to do what I or someone else tells you to do?" :lol:

So, the question might be rephrased to: "Are you willing to go to any lengths to take the 12 Steps?" It was AA's way of saying "this is what we had to do... and you'll probably need to do it too, if you want the type of sobriety we found. We haven't found an alternative... yet!" :lol:

2. "Could you imagaine placing a large sign outside a church, which touts itself as a congregation of "attraction" and which clearly has as its mission to bring new people to whatever faith that is, that reads "ONLY THOSE WHO ARE WILLING TO GO TO ANY LENGTHS TO BE SAVED NEED ENTER."

a. Where AA and the church are different is... church is trying to get people into heaven... and in AA we're trying to help alcoholics get out of hell! :lol: What the alcoholic does after they get out of hell, and whether they stay in hell... is their business, not our business. We often care for them regardless if they are living or dieing, regardless if they are sober or drinking. We understand their plight and their problems. We've been there.

b. The church tries to help people because they're good church people doing what comes naturally to them and trying to do God's will.

In AA, many of us are not good church people... and, some of us are pretty rotten to the bone... :lol: We're not trying to help someone because "we're good"... or "that's what God would want us to do"... we're trying to help another alcoholic... because... it will help us to keep from going back to the hell that we lived in for so long! We're trying to save our own ass -- and this works! :lol:

3. Sponsors.

a. There is no rule in AA that anyone has to have a sponsor. I've known many fine AA's that never had a sponsor. Or, they used everyone and everything as a sponsor. They watched other people... and by observing the people... some taught them what not to do... and others taught them what to do! :wink:

b. There is no rule about opposite sex sponsorship. I've known a lot of fine ladies that have sponsored men and a lot of fine men that have sponsored ladies.

Most AA's look at the outside world and perceive it "to be as they are." Kind of like a criminal. Guilt breeds suspicion. Or, like the guy that's jealous over his wife... always thinking she's cheating on him... because he would cheat if he had the opportunity to cheat! :lol:

And, often... they think that "all alcoholics, AA or not... are just out to cheat and manipulate to get what they can." -- Some are. Some are not. Most of the one's I know are not.

It actually comes down to "peer pressure." And, some people walk around with closed-minds... with a negative perception... while telling others to "you've got to keep an open mind!" :lol:

The un-written rule is: "Don't have sex with your sponsor." If you're going to have sex with them... let them be a friend or a mate or a bed buddy or whatever... just don't think in terms of sponsorship.

My sponsor is a male. If he died on me... there are many AA ladies that I would consider to be my sponsor if I needed, or wanted to do that. Of course, I'm one of the fortunate guys... I know a good bunch of AA men that I might consider as a sponsor.

Whatever I chose... male or female... my rule would be that I'm not sexually attracted to them... and I wouldn't get involved with them on an emotional level. And, I wouldn't pick them just because I thought they were popular in AA... or for any other benefits other than for them to help me keep honest.

Because in reality... that's a big role for the sponsor: Help the person stay honest with themselves.

Let's see here... what were the other points??? :lol:

Heck, I don't remember and I've probably gone on too long and added a bunch of ready-to-burn ideas to the fire! :wink:

Dallas
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Postby angel143 » Sun Jun 14, 2009 11:39 am

I enjoy reading the info about the sponsors. I am going to wait a little and go to some more meetings, different locations as well....see whats out there, see if anything smacks me in the face. For the right reasons.

I have always been able to be better friends with guys than with girls. But I think in this case...if I were to have a male sponsor, it would have to be someone that I am totally NOT attracted to, or have a chance of being attracted to. I imagine that I would be working closely with and having very intimate, personal conversations with my sponsor. This naturally has the ability to turn into something if there is attraction there. Not that open and honest is bad in a relationship, but having a relationship with your sponsor I would think is a bad idea.

Thats just my opinion. I am so new to this, 11 days, so I apologize if im out in left field with my ideas.

Have a great day all, love you
Heather
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Postby Susan68 » Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:02 pm

Congratulations on 11 days Heather. :D
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Postby Susan68 » Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:03 pm

P.S.

Now go plus in 11 days into the sobriety calculator and see how minutes you've been sober. I do it frequently and it's good fun. :)
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Postby tim-one » Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:15 pm

First I gotta get somethin' off my chest ...

DADGUMMIT, DALLAS ! :evil: That AA snippets idea of yours ... NOW I'm taking a notebook to meetings to write stuff down ! :roll:

Uh oh .... are we becoming co-defendant? :shock: :lol:
________________

ok. Great thinkin' from Dallas. Glad you joined in, bud. Could we stop you, Mr.-administrator-guy? :D Love ya, bro. Was lookin' for ya in this one. :wink:

Heather,

CONGRATULATIONS ! Eleven days is nuthin to sneeze at! COURAGE, girl!

Great thinkin' for a "sober-baby". :) You're payin attention.

As Dallas said, there are different attitudes an different groups. AA itself doesn't have rules about this stuff. The people do as they are inclined. Enough people in a group who agree, it tends to become THAT GROUP'S attitude ... conscience, if you will.

I had to accept the words "have to" as "If you want to turn that nut, you have to use this wrench". I could use pliers, but it's easier to use the tool built for THAT nut. (Sorry for the mechanics lesson. I said I had to think like that. :P ) I'm THAT nut, these days. :wink:

I have to remind myself that everything AA is a suggestion. I just happen to have adopted the "12 Suggestions" (BB Pg. 59) as LAW for myself. To show my willingness, I obey. That simple. My choice.

I shopped, too. It was too important to me to waste my and a sponsor's time and having to start over.

But, to get everybody else off my back, I scored a temporary sponsor with the understanding that I was still shopping, and may or may not keep him later. As a wise sponsor, he said, "Perfect. You do what you need to do. Only you know how committed you are to your sobriety. Let's get started."

At least I wasn't alone with my own stinkin' thinkin'. Not a good idea for me in the beginning. I ain't no old timer, myself, y'unnerstan'. Five months last Sunday. It's the peops with AA age I respect and watch and listen to intently. I want what they have, and this is how they got it.

Good goin', girl! You're doin' a good thing for yourself.

Love,
Tim1
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Postby angel143 » Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:16 pm

:( I have tried that a couple times...but unfortunately I am currently using Mozilla and apparently it doesnt work out right...I get some weird a@@ number that is just pure craziness! I think I will have to do it next time at mom and dads. I really do want to see what it says!

Thanks so much :wink:

You are wonderful!

Love ya
Heather
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Postby angel143 » Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:20 pm

Thanks tim1

I appreciate the kind words, and i love reading about everyones experiences. It is so helpful to me. Thank you so much. I look forward to many more conversations....and I read somewhere that you enjoy a good rational debate....thats perfect cause I love debating! :wink:

Take care
Heather
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Postby tim-one » Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:21 pm

Hey, Susan!

It's great fun to keep track of sobriety. This "one-day-at-a-time" things is wonderful. Boy, howdy, it makes for a LONG MONTH! :lol:

Fine with me. Before, it was like waking up on Christmas Day the day after Christmas. :roll: Where DID that year go??

Have you ever gone on a long drive making a game out of noticing every mile-marker on the highway? Talk about a LONG, SLOOOOOOW DRIVE!

It's a wonder realizing there's a DAY goin' on around me! :shock:

Have fun,
Tim1
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