Step12.com

[Dallas]

Questions and Answers about A.A.'s 12 Steps


1. What is Alcoholics Anonymous?

It’s the 12 Steps. The 12 Steps is the Program of Recovery. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous is the basic text of Alcoholics Anonymous. The Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous is the A.A. Members.

2. What are the 12 Steps?

Big Book, Page 25: " ... the simple kit of spiritual tools ..."
The 12 Steps are 12 Spiritual Principles, that members of A.A. use to recover from alcoholism.

3. What are Spiritual Principles?

Spiritual = "Life"

Principle = "A basic truth, rule or law concerning the functioning of natural phenomena or mechanical processes."

Spiritual Principles = "Basic truths, rules or laws concerning the functioning of life’s natural phenomena and mechanical processes."

4. When the 12 Steps are taken (as in took the Steps) – and practiced (applied), they will:

a. Remove the mental obsession with alcohol.

b. Eliminate the emotional compulsion to drink

c. Produce a personality change – necessary for recovery

d. Produce a new attitude and outlook on life

e. Assist me to maintain emotional balance

f. Assist me to achieve emotional security – a life without fear

g. Help me to gain and grow in emotional maturity

h. Assist me to lead a useful life with purpose

i. Help me clean up the wreckage of the past

j. Assist me to have and maintain healthy positive relationships in my life

k. Produce peace and serenity in my life

l. Provide a way for me to be happy and sober

m. Be a Daily Design For Living, so that I can stay happy and sober

n. And, much, much more.

5. Can the 12 Steps be applied to other problems?

Absolutely!

Over 300 fellowships (Other than Alcoholics Anonymous) with unique problems have adopted the 12 Steps as an application and solution to their own unique problems.

Does an A.A. member need to join other fellowships to use the 12 Steps for other problems?

That would be a personal and individual choice of the A.A. member. I personally have not had to join any other fellowships, even though I may have qualified to join them – and I have successfully used the 12 Steps to address the other problems in my life.

For myself, I prefer to keep my recovery within A.A., and specifically in the Big Book. (My life depends upon it). The A.A. fellowship is large enough that I can always find someone in A.A. who can assist me, who had the same problem that I had, and they can share with me how they got to the other side of the problem -- through A.A.'s way.

I would be concerned that by going to another fellowship, other than A.A., that their solution may cause me a problem with my A.A. solution. Their application of the 12 Steps, as they understand them, may be directly opposite to what the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous instructs me to do. (Example: to be a victim rather than to take responsibility and to discover my part in a situation, or to see what I could have done differently).

While it may not be appropriate to discuss my "other problems" in A.A. meetings... that doesn't prevent me from discussing the problem with my sponsor, and asking his direction and guidance, and it doesn't prevent me from discussing the problem with another A.A. member individually. If my sponsor did not have experience with the problem that I have, I'm sure he would know someone in A.A.'s fellowship who successfully solved the same problem using A.A.'s solution to solve the problem that I would need to solve.

I have heard people say "A.A.'s method is too shallow to solve all my problems."

Those people are often the same people who think that A.A.'s "solution" is about just going to AA meetings and hanging out with the AA Fellowship.

While meetings and the fellowship are important elements in recovery... they are not "the solution" and they are not "the recovery program of A.A."

Most often, I have heard the "AA is too shallow" from people who have never completely read the Big Book and have never completed the 12 Steps using the directions in the Big Book, nor, have they for any length of time "Practiced" the principles of the 12 Steps in their life or even attempted to apply them to their other problems.

The solution is the 12 Steps. The Recovery Program of A.A. is the application of the 12 Steps as described in the Big Book.

The AA meetings and the fellowship is to remind us of two things:

1. What the problem is (Powerless). and, 2. What the solution is (the 12 Steps).

Without the meetings and the fellowship, I'll begin to think that the problem is anything other than Powerless. And, I'll forget what the solution is... the 12 Steps... and come up with all sorts of solutions of my own. In A.A., we call that "stinking thinking" and as alcoholics, we cannot afford the luxury of "stinking thinking" because stinking thinking produces "stinking results."

As an alcoholic, it's vital that I find a way to be happy.... and sober, or I will drink again!!!! That's the purpose of the 12 Steps.

If you've been in or around A.A. for a while, and you are not happy, or if your results "stink".... YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!!!

Remember, Principles work the same all the time, for anyone, at any time... regardless if it was 100 years ago, today, or 100 years into the future.

Principles always produce the same results.... IF they are applied the same way. That's what it means, when, at the end of some A.A. meetings, they say "It works if you work it." If you work the principles they will produce the same results for you... that they produced for me and countless thousands of others...... "A happy, useful, peaceful, contented, satisfying, purposeful, and successful life... without alcohol"!

6. What does it mean to apply the 12 Steps in all our affairs?

It means to "apply the 12 Steps in all areas of my life."

Emotional ambitions = my sense of emotional well-being.

Social ambitions = community, world and personal relationships.

Material ambitions - " Pocketbook " = health, finances, material possessions, employment, job, business.

Spiritual ambitions = my understanding, relationship and conscious contact with my Higher Power.




Dallas B.

[Dallas]

Where are the 12 Steps Located in the Big Book?

The info for Steps 1 & 2, is... from the front cover up to page 57.
Page 58 to 103, are the instructions for Step 3 through 12.

[Dallas]

How long did it take Bill W. to take the 12 Steps?

In reading Bill's Story, Chapter 1, Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill describes each of the actions that he took to have a spiritual awakening that removed his compulsion and obsession to drink -- and brought about a profound change in him, that allowed him to live the rest of his life sober -- and never to drink again.

The actions that he took became the basis for our 12 Steps, that were later written down and published in the book Alcoholics Anonymous, providing the instructions so that we could also take the same Steps that Bill took -- and, we could recover also.

In reading Bill's Story -- can you determine how long it took Bill to take the actions, that became our 12 Steps?

How long did it take him?

Through reading his story -- "Bill's Story" Chapter 1, in the Big Book, especially around pages 13-15, the un-numbered actions that he describes that he took, can easily be identified and numbered, using the 12 Steps that he later wrote down, as to "what they were doing" to recover, and suggested for our own "program of recovery". (Including a written inventory or "list" that Ebby helped him make, as he referred to it then).



Dallas B.

[Dallas]

what is the best/right time frame for an alcoholic today to complete the 12 steps. When I say complete, I mean go through and do them with a sponsor, for the first time?

For me, from reading our history, and the Big Book, and listening to some of the real old talks... I'm convinced that there is only two requirements to the answer to that question.

1. Has the fog lifted? According to many of the Pioneer stories in the First Edition of the Big Book (two of which are still in the 4th Edition), and Dr. Bob's Nightmare, along with AA Comes of Age, Dr. Bob & the Good Old-Timers, and Pass it on... The early 1935 & on many of the "new prospects" were hospitalized to detox, and when they were physically sober they were talked to and asked a question like we have on page 58, Big Book:

2. "If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to
go to any length to get it-then you are ready to take
certain steps."

Do you want what we have?

What is it that we have? We have a program of recovery that will bring about a spiritual awakening... that will remove the obsession and insanity to drink.

For myself, I thought of it in terms like "If I was bleeding to death... how soon would I want to get sown up?" And, "If I was drowning... how long would I want to wait... to have me pulled out of the water?"

I also believe there was a primary purpose (reason) that was part of the formulated 12 Steps that required rapid action... and that was the pain.

Pain is a great motivator to action. Lessen the pain, and less reasons for the actions.

Dr. Jung and William James (Varieties of Religious Experiences... the book that Bill had Ebby bring to the hospital) referred to "conversion experiences"... (similar to what Carl Jung was trying to produce with Roland Hazard... the man that carried the message to Ebby) when they referred to "religious experiences." Those normally, according to James, were very rapid, and required a spirit of broken-ness and pain.

Dallas

[Dallas]

How long should I wait to take the 12 Steps?

One of the common questions that I often get asked by newcomers is "How long should I wait to take the 12 Steps?" My reply is usually something like, "If you were bleeding to death, and you knew you were going to die from it ... how long would you want to wait to get to the hospital?"

I've discovered that many newcomer's are much like I was when I first came to AA. I didn't understand how serious, tragic and deadly the disease of alcoholism is. As I see it now, it's like a lethal snake bite... if I've been bitten... I want to get treated for it as fast as I can... rather than run the risk of dying from the poisonous bite.

Sometimes, I've heard some deadly ideas shared in an AA meeting. When I was very new in AA, I remember someone, who was apparently an old-timer, sharing "Well, I suggest you take one step a year, and in 12 years, you've taken them all!" I've even heard Sponsor's suggest to people they were sponsoring that "they were not ready to take the 12 Steps"!

I'm sure glad that I had an AA Sponsor who knew enough about alcoholism and AA, to steer me in a different direction! I would have been drunk and dead had I waited long to take the 12 Steps!!!

There are some very strong warnings in the Big Book, and in the book 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, that suggest that if we delay taking the Steps, we will end up drinking again, and for us to drink is to die.

The best AA answer I've found to the question of "How long should I wait to take the 12 Steps?" are the answers that I've found in the Big Book. AA books such as, Dr. Bob & the Good Old-timers, and AA Comes of Age, are also very informative.

When I read the personal story in back of Big Book, (3rd Edition) titled: "He sold himself short", it appears that Dr. Bob's practice was to take the newcomer through the Steps in one afternoon.

I realize that I can't shove sobriety down an alcoholics throat and rush them through recovery. Many are like I was, they will insist on their drinking rights until they have reached a hopeless condition of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization and wait until all of the good things in life are gone, before becoming willing to listen to the AA message. And, as sad as it is, some will never hear it.

When I first took the 12 Steps, my life was so full of pain, and I knew that it was certain that I would drink again, that I wanted to take the 12 Steps just to stay alive!!!

After I took the 12 Steps, myself and my life changed in such a radical way for the better, that I couldn't figure out why I had waited so long to take the 12 Steps!!!

Thanks for letting me share!!!

Dallas

[Dallas]

What does the Step 3 Decision mean?


Step 3, is about making a decision to make a change!


Step 3: We made a decision to change.

Our book indicates that “We thought well before making this decision”

For me, Step Three is about making a “decision to change.”

Below was my own list of changes, both personal and things that I noticed from pages 60-63 of the Big Book, leading up to the 3rd Step Prayer.

You may or may not identify with some of the things on the list – if you don’t identify, or it isn’t something that you may need to consider “changing”, then just change the word “We” to “He” (referring to me) in the list below!!!

What thoughts and actions have we decided to change?

1. We’ve decided that we are going to stop playing God.
2. We’ve decided that we are no longer going to be the “Boss” over anyone or anything – we’re going to stop trying to boss everyone else around.
3. We’ve decided we have no business telling other people what to do – or, what they should do – and we stop doing it.
4. We’ve decided to stop taking other peoples inventory and start taking our own inventory.
5. We’ve decided to stop trying to clean someone else’s house – and we clean our own house.
6. We’ve decided to stop trying to arrange people, places, and things in life to suit ourselves.
7. We’ve decided to stop hurting other people and taking advantage of them.
8. We’ve decided we’re willing to treat all people like they really are God’s kids.
9. We’ve decided we’re going to stop being offensive.
10. We’ve decided to clean up our mouth – and to stop talking about other people.
11. We’ve decided to act with integrity, honesty and decency.
12. We’ve decided to treat all people with respect and dignity and love and tolerance and patience – not just those who we like.
13. We’ve decided to genuinely help others – rather than trying to take advantage of the weak ones.
14. We’ve decided we’re going to clean up our sex lives and to stop using and abusing others just to fulfill our own sexual desires.
15. We’ve decided to be honest.
16. We’ve decided to stop our cheating, lying, manipulating and cutting corners.
17. We decided to do what we say we will do and to keep our agreements and our commitments.
18. We decided that if we say we are going to do something – then, we do it – unless it’s wrong to do it or if it’s something that will harm someone else.
19. We’ve decided that we’re going to trust God – and clean house entirely.

AND – WE DECIDED TO LAUNCH INTO ACTION ON STEP 4!!!

Dallas B.

NOTE: In the above list -- we haven't changed anything yet! We're just looking at a list -- and making a decision on some needed changes. Of course... any of those changes that we can make, we go ahead and make them. For me... with some of the things on the list... I needed God's help through all 12 Steps to make the changes!!! (Particularly Steps Six and Seven)!



Sane and Sober! Happy, Joyous and Free!!!

[Dallas]

What does Powerless over alcohol mean?



Step 1 We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -- that our lives had become unmanageable.



For me, what it means that -- I am powerless, on my own, to stay sober (I need help) -- that I cannot manage to stay sober on my own! (I need continued help!) -- to manage to STAY sober!

When I was new in A.A., I thought that "Powerless over alcohol" meant that I was only powerless while drinking. That’s only part of the deal. I learned that for me, powerless over alcohol means that I am powerless over alcohol when sober!!!

If I were only powerless over alcohol while drinking... the solution to my problem would be simple. Just quit drinking. I wouldn’t need A.A., the 12 Steps, meetings, God, or a Sponsor! However, my real problem is alcohol-ism.

I am powerless over the next drink while I am sober, which means that I will ALWAYS have the next drink if my alcohol-ism is not being treated.

The mental obsession, the physical craving, or the emotional compulsion, will draw me to the next drink just like the hidden energy in a magnet will attract iron to it.

Restless, irritable and discontented without a drink is only part of my problem. There have been many times that my life got so good and I felt so good that I went out to celebrate… just a tiny little bit.

On my own... I am doomed to drink again. But, "with AA’s help" I don't have to take the first drink.

Through AA’s 12 Steps, my obsession to drink has been removed. The physical craving will not come back unless I take the first drink. And, the emotional compulsion to drink was removed through the 12 Steps. And, I was able to make a conscious contact with a Power Greater Than Myself.... that could restore me to sanity, and provide the power that I need to take the actions that will lead me away from the next drink. That’s great! I must be recovered, right? Wrong! That’s what the alcoholic part of my brain would like me to believe. Recovered only means that I am sober today.

When I take Step 1, I am making a full unreserved surrender... It means "I'm licked". I lost the game. Now, I better find a new one. My old tools, methods, plans and techniques to try and control my drinking didn’t work. My old design for living didn't work. There were times that I could get sober… once, I stayed sober about six months, on my own! But I couldn’t stay sober. Sooner or later, against all my better judgment and experiences… I would pick up a drink again. And, even though it has now been more than 22 years without a drink for me… I will drink again… if I stop doing what I’m doing that keeps me from picking up the next drink.

This is why the First Step is the most important step. I will not be willing to take the other eleven Steps with the "vigorous action" that they require, nor will I be willing to surrender to a Higher Power.... if I'm not doomed…. While sober!

First, I took Step 1 -- and now, I take Step 1 -- Daily.

That’s why I go to A.A. meetings. In the A.A. meetings I remember what my problem is… alcoholism, and what the solutions is: AA’s 12 Steps. The meetings do not keep me sober. The meetings remind me of what my problem is and what the solution to my problem is. It’s the DAILY practicing and living the 12 Steps, and maintaining and improving on my conscious contact with a Power Greater than myself that keep me sober.

If I stop going to AA meetings, my head will forget what my problem is and it will forget what the solution is. On my own… I’ll come up will all kinds of problems other than alcoholism, and solutions other than Alcoholics Anonymous, the 12 Steps, and a Power Greater than myself. And, that’s very dangerous for an alcoholic of my type.

It would also be extremely dangerous for me to believe that I could substitute the Internet cyber-meetings for the real live A.A. meetings. There is no substitute.

Now, sober... I have everything that I was looking for in the bottle... peace, joy, contentment, serenity, confidence, happiness, comfort, a new attitude, a new outlook on life, a design for living that really works, and I do not have to fear....... as long as I keep doing what I’m doing!

Thanks for letting me share… And, Keep Coming Back!

Dallas

[DiggerinVA]

Dallas those are wonderful words.
thank You for sharing them with us.

Stan

[ccs]

Yes DOUBLE WHAT STAN SAID !!!!!

and THANK YOU for Helping me Today

LUV YA D

[thanx_2hm]

Dallas, thanx so much for all of this, I'll be printing this out when I get home.

Love to ya,
Julie

[Dallas]

Having problems with starting to write for 4th Step -- do you have a suggestion that might help me?

Or...

I'm about to explode!

I can't handle it!

Can you help me?




Questions that may help to relieve pressure....
And, also help someone start writing in preparation for the 4th Step

Seven of the questions below, were given to me by Clancy I., a few years ago, and the idea with his Seven Questions... are to help someone to get into writing in preparation for their 4th Step. They are NOT intended to replace the 4th Step. (There is a post here in this forum, with Clancy's original Seven Questions, if you'd like to check out the originals).

I’ve used the questions with numerous newcomers to help relieve some of the emotional pressures that some of us arrive with, that can often lead us back to a drink before we get through the 4th Step.... if we don’t vent some of the stuff that’s really got us down.

The results were positive. I’ve also used the Seven Questions with some Old-timers, who had strayed over to the “jumping off place”... and had good results with them.

Recently, I had an occasion to use them again, and on this particular occasion, I could see that it would be a good idea to add two additional questions, and to change the order of the questions.

The results were pretty good in regards to relieving some of the emotional pressures. The person I was working with still drank again, so it’s not like some kind of “magic bullet” that will strike some alcoholic sober! And, of course, some of the alcoholics that I’ve tried to help, also drank again... without the questions. I’m just passing them on here, in case anyone else would like to check them out or use them.


The six areas that seem to cause the most serious problems for people in recovery are: Guilt, Resentment, Fear, Feelings of Inadequacy, Relationships and Loneliness:


The Nine Questions:

1. In looking back over your life – what memories are still painful, guilty, dirty?

2. Who do you resent – and why? Be specific.

3. What and Who do you fear most? What are you afraid of – and why? Be specific.

4. In what ways do you consider yourself an inadequate person?

5. What do you conceive to be your defects of character – as you see them today?

6. What is the nature of the ongoing problems you have with people close to you – in human relations – what seems to always happen when you have these things that blow up?

7. Describe the loneliness that you feel?

8. In what way do you believe that A.A. can help you with any of these problems?

9. In what way do you believe that A.A. can begin to change things?

That’s the Nine Questions. You may want to give them a try and see what you discover. Or, you may want to pass them on to someone that is having difficulty getting started with writing.

Best regards,

Dallas B.

[Dallas]

I'm having trouble with my Fourth Step.
Can you help me?

Yes!


I believe that most people have trouble with the Fourth Step, because they've never taken one before! It's like learning to ride a bicycle. If you see someone else ride a bike -- it will help you learn to ride a bike!

Another reason that I believe many people have trouble with the 4th Step -- is because, when you're trying to follow the example in the Big Book, you must read a few different pages and jump around in your Inventory to complete it.

Also, there is so much information floating around from people that come up with their own unique ideas on the 4th Step, that it can be really confusing if you've already read a bunch of literature on it!

For me, my life depended upon my sobriety -- and my sobriety depended on whether or not the AA Plan of Recovery could help me (the 12 Steps). So, when I took my12 Steps -- I knew that my life was on the line. I had to find relief and find a solution -- or I would drink again. And, for me -- to drink would be to die.

I couldn't afford to spend time listening to a bunch of ideas and suggestions from people -- that may have never even taken the 12 Steps as they are prescribed in the Big Book.

So, I turned to the book, Alcoholics Anonymous... the same book that had helped millions of alcoholics to recovery... and I tried to follow the instructions in that book, as precisely as I could follow them.

I've written and posted what I did and what I do, and if it will help you, I encourage you to check them out and/or use them. You can get the info here:
www.step12.com/step-4.html

If you download the information, be sure that you get all five downloads!

Best regards,

Dallas B.

Note: The downloads and information at: www.step12.com/step-4.html is the same information that I use when helping others take their 4th Step. It also includes the information that I've used to conduct 4th Step workshops... so, if you can use it... and help others ... pass it on!

If you're going to hold a 4th Step workshop in your area and you have questions... Contact me and I'll be happy to help you as much as I can.

[Dallas]

Why is it – that ALL -- A.A.’s
don’t agree on the 12 Steps


And why don't they all agree on how the 12 Steps
are to be taken?



The short answer is: I don’t know the specific reasons that ALL people do not agree on anything – even A.A.’s.

A summary answer: I know many A.A.’s that are in precise agreement on how the 12 Steps are to be taken – and I know many A.A.’s that disagree with those A.A.’s that agree with each other on how the 12 Steps are to be taken.

The really long answer:

Often, one of the comments that I’ll here is: “A.A. and the 12 Steps is not a one-size that fits all.” Could that idea be harmful or helpful?

While I don’t believe that A.A. or the 12 Steps is a solution for every alcoholic – I do believe the majority of alcoholics “could” change their mind about it – if they “would.” But, not all alcoholics can make that change.

I believe that there is are a few reasons that ALL A.A.’s don’t agree on the importance of the 12 Steps and how the 12 Steps are to be taken.

1. Not all A.A.’s have actually experienced taking the 12 Steps. So, they are talking theory when they talk about the Steps rather than talking about their experience.

2. Not all A.A.’s have been reading the same book of instructions for taking the 12 Steps. Some are depending on other literature, both A.A. and non-A.A., or they are depending on something that they’ve heard or learned somewhere other than learning it in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous.

3. Not everyone always comprehends the same thing – even when they are reading the same thing.

Is it important to understand “the right way” to take the 12 Steps? I don’t think it’s important to understand whether it’s the right way – but, I do know for myself, that my life and my sobriety has depended upon me “taking (doing) the 12 Steps in the right-est way that I can find for me” and that has required me to study the Big Book and to consistently make changes as “more gets revealed.”

I do believe this is a very important question – and it deserves a solid answer. And, I do believe that each A.A. should have a solid understanding of “why” they believe a certain way is the right way – for them – and, that they can back up their understanding with some kind of authority. Since, the only Authority over the 12 Steps is the book, Alcoholics Anonymous (in the section where the pages haven’t changed)… since the book was first published -- it would be good for them – if they can back up their understanding by using the instructions and page references in the book.

This is vital to me, and I believe that it’s vital to our Fellowship, because our 12th Step, is about “Carrying the Message of Alcoholics Anonymous” and it’s NOT ABOUT “Carrying Our Own Message.” And, carrying the message of Alcoholics Anonymous to the alcoholic that is still suffering – is the primary purpose of our Fellowship. The message of Alcoholics Anonymous is – the 12 Steps.

Let’s take a look at what the Big Book says about this and see if we can answer the question together.

Turn to Chapter 2, “There is a Solution” on page 17, in the Big Book:

Read the first page down to the last paragraph –

[Danni]

These are great Dallas. I'll print them and keep them.
Keep them coming!

Danni

[robbiechaos]

I used the these questions to prep for my forth step and they helped me tremendously.

Thanks