Step12.com

[Dallas]

It only happens in AA


A happy Old-timer, sober 20 years walks in to an AA meeting and sits between two other members.

The newcomer on the left says “I used to work a good program like you and I’ve read all the A.A. books and literature... I'm a real authority on this AA stuff... I had almost 20 years sober and now... I'm only a newcomer because got I drunk again, or... I would have more time, but.... Do you want what I’ve got? Do you want to listen to me? Do you want to know how I think it works? Want me to be your sponsor?”

Then an Old-timer sitting on the right side of the happy Old-timer with 20 years, says “You got twenty years sober and you’re happy? Hey! I’ve got 25 years and I’ve been miserable since the say I walked in! Plus, I'm crazy and nuts most of the time! I didn’t do the Steps, didn’t get a sponsor, didn’t read the book, and sure as hell didn’t take any suggestions... but I have read some pamphlets and some other stuff! Do you want what I’ve got? Do you want to listen to me tell you how I think it works? Want me to be your sponsor?”

It only happens in A.A.

[wareagle10]

Wow! The last one sounds a lot like me, doesn't it?

Take care and straight ahead, John.

[JR]

Hey, it's just a joke. It doesn't have to be true or necessary or kind. It is supposed to make you laugh.

[wareagle10]

It did. I laughed and laughed, seriously. Is that an oxymoron, laughing seriously?

Take care and straight ahead, John.

[Dallas]

It only happens in A. A.

Early one morning I had to take my sponsor to the airport to catch a flight to go speak at an AA convention.

On the way to the airport I asked him “Can you give me some suggestions on how I can have a good weekend while you’re gone?”

He said, “Sure! Go to that noon AA meeting, and try not to think about yourself while I’m gone!”

After his plane left, I decided to use the bathroom at the airport before my long drive home.

I finally located the bathroom, walked into the stall, closed and latched the door, got comfortable, and began to take care of my business.


Then, I hear this deep..... slow..... drawling voice from a guy in the stall next to me, say “Hey!”

I thought it was kind of odd..... but I didn’t want to be too rude.... so I replied back with “Hey!”

Then I hear the guy making some kind of odd noises.

And then, I hear him say “Are you alone?”

A little perturbed, I replied back with “Yes. I’m alone!”

I can hear him making more of those weird noises and then I hear him say “How are you?”

I’m starting to get a little agitated so I get a little louder and reply “I’m good! I’m really really good! Okay?”

Then I hear him say, in that deep, slow drawling voice, “What are you doing?”

Okay. This guy is really starting to push my buttons now, so, I get a little louder and I say “I’m going to the bathroom!?”

Then the guy starts making more of those noises... and I hear him say in that almost obscene voice of his, “What are you doing later.... Do you want to get together with me?”

Now, he’s pushed me a over the edge. Now I’m not just a little disturbed... I’m mad!

So I yell out to him “I’m going to an A.A. meeting later! No I don’t want to get together with you! Now, will you shut up and leave me alone!”

Then, the tone of his voice suddenly changes... and I hear him say “Hey baby... Let me call you back later ... there is a real nut in the next stall talking to himself. I’ll call you back after he’s gone!”

[JR]

While we're on bathroom humor.......nothing funnier than a fart.

An elder statesman was sponsoring a member who was always playing the big-shot. The big-shot always tried to make himself look good at others expense. He was always hiding a good motive, like sharing an experience or joke, behind a bad motive to show how he was a star of AA and nobody could ever measure up to his stature. The elder statesman decided an object lesson would be just the ticket.

The elder statesman had a huge meal of liver and onions before the meeting he knew the big-shot would be at. Something definitely began to brew in the elders bowels. 15 minutes before the meeting began the elder called the big-shot over to point out some stuff in the Big Book. An SBD (silent but deadly) began to ease out of the elders nether regions. The big-shot began to make faces and his eyes began to water. The elder says "whats your problem, I'm trying to help you" big-shot finally cries uncle and says he can't take the smell of whatever the elder ate before coming to the meeting.

Elder begins to laugh and laugh and says thats just how it stinks when your hiding one of your bad motives behind a good one and it's just as obvious.

[Dallas]

Only in A.A.

When I was new in AA my sponsor said “Your problem is you’re grandiose!”

I said “What’s that mean?”

He said “You’re the kind of guy who gets a Pole Vault to get over a mouse turd!”

[Dustintodust]

How can you tell when 2 alcoholics are on their second date?

They are the ones pulling the UHAUL.......

There is a new group for people who talk too much at meetings.

It's called Onandonandon

step 13 My life is unmanagabl and id like to share it with you

step 14 Made a decision to stop calling you and go after your friend

AA is where i go for recovery.....Na is where i go for a date when AA has worked too good and i really need to ### up my life