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[musicmode]

[Dimples]

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.
I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the sh*t out of all of you!"
St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago..."

[Dallas]

That's a great one Dimples!!!

I can't wait to borrow it!!!!

Dallas

[Dimples]

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when
suddenly
the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,
"Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant
you one wish.

"The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can
ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching
the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It
will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard
for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and
think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish
that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she
feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment,
why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can
make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

[Dimples]

Glad you liked it Dallas.
P

[Dallas]

Thanks Dimples!!!! You rock!!!

Dallas

[Dimples]

Field Construction
HER FIRST PAY CHECK

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a
little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that makes you
Believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a
construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the
Workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope
Containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her
Mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next day to start a Savings account.

When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us.

"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the
house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will if those a**holes at Home Depot ever deliver
the f****** sheet rock..."

Stories like this just bring a tear to your eye.

[Dallas]

[rockingchair]

A priest saw that there was a small kitten up a tree in his front yard. He tried to climb up the spindly tree and to coax the kitten down, but to no avail. The frightened kitten stubbornly clung to the tree out of the reach of the priest.

So, the priest decided to tie one end of a rope to one of the branches of the tree and the other end to the bumper of his car. His plan was to back out of the driveway so that the tree was bent over enough for him to carefully lift the kitty down.

But, when he backed the car out, the rope suddenly snapped and the kitten flew up through the air over the top of his house!

Upset, the priest went from door to door asking his neighbors if they had seen a little kitten. No one had seen the cat.

A few days later, he was in the grocery store and he saw one of his parishioners buying cat food. He knew that she hated cats, so he went up to her and asked her why she was buying cat food.

She said, "Oh Father! You won't believe what happened! My daughter has been pestering me for a cat -- and as you know, I can't stand cats -- so I told her that if God gave her a cat for her birthday, she could keep it."

"Her birthday was a few days ago and, little Becky went out into the back yard and got down on her knees and was saying a prayer asking God for a cat."

"She had no sooner gotten the words out of her mouth, when suddenly -- right from the sky -- a little kitten fell into her arms!"

[Dimples]

Thats great Dallas!! I have 2 that I would LOVE to part with!! HMMMMMM I wonder if I put them in a tree if I could catapult them to some needy little girls in the neighborhood....HMMMMM pondering that one....
Guess not huh? dang it! (its still a happy thought...)



*90 in 90, day 31*

[Dallas]

Hey Dimples, congrats on 31!!!!

On the cats... that was Rockingchair

I'm a dog person.

Did you know that if you died in a house with a cat the cat would eat you? I learned that from Fergusen!

Dallas

[DebbieV]

I'm Debbie and I'm an Alcoholic:

It's so good to be able to laugh with and at other AAer's, I wish more people would write in this forum, I so enjoy reading what you guys write and sitting in my room laughing my ass off ( I know the neighbors think I'm more insane now than I was when I was drinking )
Our meeting tonight was on pretty much just this, laughing. To me that was the best meeting I have been to, there is nothing funnier than a bunch of crazy alcoholics telling stories on how great their life is and the humor they find in life sober, it lifts my heart. Thanks for the giggles all, we need to see how fun it can be to be sober.

Deb

[musicmode]

My name is Anne, I'm an alcoholic,

Life sometimes just hands us the funnies on a silver platter. Heard at a meeting one time: one of the members had gone in to get something fixed on his car. He was telling the story of how long it took, how much it cost, etc., but it was done. Sooo...he takes it out on the highway, car's working like a top, happy he finally got this work done when....all of a sudden...the hood flies off...{true story}. Luckily there was nobody behind him...pulls over, goes to pick up the hood out of the ditch...couldn't be a nice calm "easy breezey" day, noooo....has to be one of those days where the wind's blowing a good 50 or so mph. Gets the hood back to the car. Now what do you do with it? Try and shove it in the back seat of a hatch-back of course . Obviously putting it back on the front would'be been redundant. He somehow made it work, goes directly back to the shop and they bolted the hood back in its place...at no extra charge . This guy had 4 years sobriety at the time. As he told the story though, one of us started with the giggles {I mean, it wasn't funny...somebody could have been hurt...by the way, that somebody was...e-hem...me, of course}, the chair person followed suit, pretty soon, the most of us (who saw the humor in his story, and there were a few) were stifling our chuckles, finally, the guy said, go ahead-laugh--, as he was waiting for the guys to bolt the hood back on, he said the whole thing looked pretty funny as he replayed it all in his head...that's why he was telling the story.

Something I heard early on...when you pick up a newspaper, read the comics first

Be good to yourselves, kids,
Anne

[garden variety]

There is this young guy that is a real animal lover. He's driving down a two-lane road in upper Michigan when he sees this jack-rabbit that sees the car and starts hopping toward it. The young guy sees the rabbit and slows down to 15 mph and gets worried becasue the rabbit is still hopping toward his car.

He says O God I don't want to injure this little animal, what do I do? He slows down to a crawl and he loses sight of the rabbit. But suddenly he hears a thud under the back wheels. Oh know! He screams out loud and stops the car.

Sure enough the jack-rabbit is flattened and laying in the middle of the road stripes. He's deader than dead - totally squished. The young man bends over the rabbit and is crying.

Another car pulls up behind him and a lady gets out.

"I have something for that!" she says and pulls out a spray bottle. She walks up to the flattened rabbit, sprays 3-4 times and backs away.

Suddenly the rabbit starts moving and jerking, then he coughs, then he becomes unflattened, shakes his head and stands up. Then he runs down the side of the highway now, and every ten feet he stops and waves back to the man and woman. He does this until he disappears in the oppostite direction of the way the young man was driving.

The young man is totally amazed and relieved and he asks the lady "How did you do that? What is that stuff that you have?"

The lady just says "I don't know what it is. It just says this: BRINGS DEAD HAIR TO LIFE. GIVES PERMANENT WAVES."

[Dallas]

Thanks Paul & Anne!!!